New Year's Eve

Our plans have changed for New Year's Eve.

We have decided that we are DONE with the holidays and all of the eating, drinking, and excess that it brings. The thought of attending another party, having another hangover, or eating more unneeded high-cal food is extremely unappealing. We are both looking forward to a good, fresh start and want to start this health-kick off in style.

My boyfriend and I will be attending a silent, candlelight hot yoga class tonight! The yoga goes from 10:30 TO 11:30, followed by a long meditation. Then people gather in the lobby all sweaty and uplifted for refreshing snacks and drinks, and a toast to 2011.

I am REALLY looking forward to this. I am not even disappointed that I won't get to wear my new dress :) We will then be spending Saturday and Sunday on a fresh-juice fast, using the new juicer we got for Christmas. It's not for weight loss but for kicking all the processed junk from our systems. We will clean out the cupboards so that on Monday when we go back to eating solid foods there are only good choices in the house.

What is more relaxing, refreshing, and renewing than a hot yoga class and raw food/fresh juice fast?

So Happy New Year! This is the year of GOAL for me... Not only will I reach my weight loss goal this year (I will! Notice this is not "I might", or "I hope"), but I am also graduating university and reaching my goal of becoming a teacher. Both projects took 5 years to complete... I started my weight loss journey only a few weeks before entering first year university.

To all my friends who have helped me along the way - may 2011 bring health, happiness, peace, and see many goals achieved :)

DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!.....

This is what I woke up to this morning:

355 - 204.8 = 150.2 LBS LOST!!

Took long enough, didn't it?? haha...

But finally, I can say I did it! It is a very nice Christmas present to myself :) And what a motivator!! I feel like I could say no to any thing that is shoved in my face today, any fresh-baked treat, any sugary-goodness. Seeing that number was exactly what I needed to get through the holiday season!!

Here is the picture of my dress that I promised. KEEP IN MIND that it was taken after 4 hours of shopping. My hair is a mess, and hey - I'm not wearing any Spanx!! I will be wearing them on New Years so I will look even slimmer :)

I will put up a more polished photo, and maybe some before-after pictures to show the 150 lost as soon as I get a chance.

Now, on to kicking the 200's out of the picture...

Pardon my emo-ment

So last night I was having a bit of an emo moment. I was really upset that the dress I bought was too tight. Today I returned it and spent 4 hours shopping in the mall, boyfriend in tow, looking for a more suitable outfit.

I found it! I found a purple dress at Ricki's (in Large!). I loved it and bought it. Then, I went across the way and saw ANOTHER perfect dress. I tried it on and my boyfriend liked it better than the one I'd just bought. So we went back to Rickis to return the purple dress and went home with the new, prettier (also Large) dress from Guava. Good Gawd, after 4 hours of shopping I am glad I found SOMETHING. I think I tried on 30-40 dresses. haha

It's beautiful. I will post pictures when I'm not so tired. All that walking and getting changed is very exhausting.

~ H

Well this is mighty embarrassing.

Who am I kidding? Seriously.

The look on his face this evening was a major reality check. It's amazing how an expression can speak volumes. Volumes that say "That dress does NOT fit"

He didn't even HAVE to say anything. I could see he was surprised, speechless even. And no, it wasn't because I looked amazing. It was more like a deer caught in the headlights, really. I saved him the horror of having to tell me I looked like an overstuffed sausage by turning around and walking out of the room... taking off the pressure to either patronize me or be truthful.

This sucks.

Tonight was a big wake up call, and something I think I needed.
Reality check: You are still fat.
Reality check: You are NOT a size medium. Period.

I think I got a little carried away with feeling great. Compliments have been pouring in, I've been feeling better than ever in my own body. I was actually starting to feel happy with my body and myself. THEN it appears I got delusional for a moment.

At 206ish lbs, one does not fit a size medium. With a gut like mine, one does not wear a tight black dress. It is unflattering and silly. What was I thinking? Who allowed me to go shopping ALONE? Better yet, how did I actually think that looked GOOD??

I am getting up in the morning and I am going to the gym. I am then promptly returning to The Bay for a refund on my many-sizes-too-small dress. I considered keeping it, as a goal type thing; but I don't know that it will ever look good on me so why waste good money. I will always have a gut, even at goal... that is an unfortunate bi-product of significant weight loss. Oh well.

I feel embarrassed that not only did I rave about this dress to my boyfriend, and then put it on to be met with speechlessness, but that I raved about it to on my favourite message board and got so many wonderful replies. Please excuse my temporary insanity...

~ PJ

water water water... exercise!

Today my mission is to drink 4 or more liters of water.
I am only .8 away from my 150 lbs lost...

I am having fresh fruit for snacks, hummus and pita for lunch, and a nice homemade veggie spaghetti for dinner.

My boyfriend went and renewed my gym membership for me while I was at work yesterday, which is really sweet of him. (It would have been even sweeter if he had paid for it :P)

So I'm going to eat fresh today and drink lots of water, go to the gym after work and then relax with movies this evening. I have my fingers crossed that that will be the boost I need to lose the last .8... and reach a really big mini-goal :)

~ H

Long catch-up post :)

Rum and soynog... YUM!

I think I'm getting into the Christmas spirit, as I've been enjoying my fair share of baking and drinks. I am SO HAPPY to be finished my practicum and there has been an awful lot of celebrating. There are Christmas parties this weekend and next, then Christmas (and then New Years!). A good 3 weeks of celebrating are upon me.

I don't feel worried, or stressed about weight. I'm still at my lowest weight (208), and I've been keeping an eye on it. I am going to get my arse back to the gym starting either Monday or Tuesday. If not for losing, I'd be happy to exercise for the sake of exercising and keeping any Seasonal Pounds from creeping on. My boyfriend and I are excited about having a few weeks off together, and one of the things that is so exciting is being able to get some good quality, scheduled exercise in. :)

I am asking for some weights and resistance bands for Christmas, and Joe & I are going to try out the P90X workouts. It is an intense at-home workout routine that yields AMAZING results when done properly. I'm excited :)

I have had a few neat experiences recently. People are noticing my weight loss and it's really nice. The other day I was out for a birthday dinner with my family, and my mom said the strangest thing to me in the ladies washroom.

"Heather, you're looking very... normal."

It was a sideways compliment I guess, she meant it in the best way possible... what she was trying to say is that I don't look overweight anymore. I know I'm still overweight but I finally LOOK fairly normal! I don't stand out in a crowd (at least not because of my weight). :)

This next bit might sound a bit vain, but I feel safe to blog it, so here it goes:

I have a girl friend who I have always thought "she looks great. She's not too small, and I'd be happy to look like that!!" Well, the other day we were talking about weight loss efforts etc, and she divulged her weight to me. She's only TEN POUNDS lighter than me. TEN! I know our bodies are shaped differently, but we are the same height and similar build otherwise. I was secretly so happy to hear that because I have always thought she looked great... that means I'm probably not too far off :)

So overall, these past few weeks have been a little lacking in exercise and a little heavy in treats, but I'm maintaining my weight and a good attitude. I am going to ride it out with a stay the same or small loss this holiday season, I'm hoping :)

~ H

It's over, but it ain't over...

So, Although I'm disappointed, I'm not dwelling on it.
I missed the week of bootcamp and it was entirely due to end-of-semester busyness and very little to do with motivation. I've been wanting so badly to get out and get exercising. I've been wanting fresher foods around the house and cannot WAIT for my break do I can clean up and work out.

Today would be the day that I take my measurements and pictures and what not, but I feel like it wouldn't be that accurate of a comparison. I lost 22 lbs in 9 weeks, and then week 10, 11, and 12 were written off. One for laziness, two for business. I knew getting into the program that that would be a possibility.

Would I do it again?? Heck yes!! I love that kind of accountability and butt-kicking :) It's too expensive for me right now, but I do enjoy it a lot.

In my 3 weeks away from tracking and working out, I went up, up more, down, down more, fluctuating all over the place. This morning, I stepped on the scale (sunday mornings are my Official WI day) and I am back down to my lowest. :) Thank goodness!

Start 231
Current 208.8
Total 22.2
Total lost to date: 146.2

I don't know that I'll make 199 by New Years Day, but I'm sure I can make 150 lbs lost by New Years day. That's only 3.8 lbs away!

Losing steam...

Help me, I'm losing steam!

I have been really struggling to stay motivated. I went to the gym today and on Wednesday, but it was like pulling teeth to get my arse out the door. I was practically dragging myself there against my own will. haha

I only have one week left of bootcamp and I've gained a few pounds in the 10 day hiatus I took. It snowballed from missing one class to missing a whole week or more of tracking and exercising. It's amazing how easy it is to just skip once, skip twice, and then next thing you know you haven't been to gym in nearly two weeks!

I did go to my last few classes, and I won't be missing any more, but I'm struggling to get back to tracking and drinking water, and ultimately CARING about weight loss.

I think a good week back on plan may cure this motivation lull, but we'll see. I have a really busy week coming up with practicum and whatnot, but that will help me plan and journal, because I have to be packing lunches the night before.

Sigh!!

At least I did a killer spin & weights class tonight, to counteract the two big vegan cookies I ate today :P

WI Week 9

Bootcamp Start Weight: 231
Previous Weight: 213
Current Weight: 209
Current Loss: 4 lbs
Total Loss: 22 lbs

Overall Total Loss: 146 lbs

Down 4 this week!
I'm coming up on 150 lbs down, and closing in on leaving the 200's forever!

I am feeling very motivated and plan to have a repeat of my awesome week :)

WI tomorrow

Why do I always get nervous the night before weigh in?

Did I eat too much today? Did I eat too little?
Did I have too much salt? Will my loss still show tomorrow?
How late is too late to be drinking water or tea??

I've been doing this for four years... you'd think I'd be cool as a cucumber the night before weigh in. But I'm not... haha

Even though I know I'll show a loss tomorrow, and even though I am having all these other positive things happen for me, I still get the jitters on the night before weigh in!!

Gahh.

:)

Excellent Week :)

I am having the best week that I have had in MONTHS! I have been totally 100% on plan with my food, making healthy choices, tracking every little bit and drinking lots of water. I have gone to they gym, hot yoga, or both everyday this week!

The scale is reflecting kindly and I'm aiming to get under 210 this week!

I am so exited... I am starting to FEEL small. My body fits into normal clothes. I don't stick out like a sore thumb in photographs. I ENJOY exercise and healthful foods!

I remember a time when this was the future... and this was something I wasn't even sure I could achieve. I'm here, I persisted, and I'm looking forward to the next leg of journey!!

:)

Dear Body...

Dear body,

I am sorry for everything I have put you through. You took it so well, without even complaining. I would stuff you fill of high fat, high sodium, low-nutrient garbage and animal products, yet you still would function. You never betrayed me and gave out on me. You avoided diabetes or heart problems. I made you fat, I stretched you out to the point of irrepair; I neglected you and despised you. I resented you. I am sorry, for this is all my fault.

Body, I love you. I thank you for the wonderful beautiful places you help me see, the people you let me know, and the things you help me do. You are strong and resilient. I love it when we work together to achieve a common goal. I am trying to make you healthy again. I promise to move you every day, and in many new and different ways. I promise to keep you taken care of with the proper nutrition and vitamins you need to function. I promise to drink lots of fresh, clean water to keep you hydrated and running properly. I want you to be around and at your best for a very long time.

I will no longer put you down or call you names. I want to think of you like a friend, an entity separate from myself. I would never say such mean things about a friend. I wouldn’t stare at a friend in disgust or think about how my friend could be so much better. I will encourage you, compliment you, and embrace you for what you have to offer.

Body, you are beautiful. Your hair is straight, an envy of many others. Your eyes are expressive and have pretty orange flecks in them. Your nose is cute as a button, the kind you see on babies or cartoon characters. Your mouth is small, so don’t use it to shout (unless you’re shouting for a cause). Your shoulders are tanned, your arms strong. Your hands remind me of my mothers. I even have to like the skin on your stomach, it is soft and pale. Your hips are proportionate and womanly, your thighs have a nice shape. Your calves are muscular and can hold any stance. I have worked hard to get here and now I see I should have loved you all along, this may not have gone so far had I loved you and treated you like a friend from the beginning.

Please accept my deepest, most heartfelt apologies. Please forgive me. I promise to treat you with nothing but respect and loving kindness for the rest of my life.

Yours always,

Heather

Sunday WI

Down 2lbs, which is pretty darn good considering I missed bootcamp twice this week and didn't watch what I ate, had major stress, etc etc...

I am going to try to step it up a notch this week. There are only 4 WI's left for this bootcamp so if I want to lose that 13 lbs - or even get CLOSE - I'm going to need to give it some serious effort!

I don't know if 13 lbs in 4 weeks is doable for me at this stage of the game, but hey - I can try. My goal was to have it off by New Years Eve, so I'll still be satisfied with that!

Hot Yoga & the Miracle WI

This week has been a very long, hard, stressful week. My blog has maintined silence. The message boards have seen little of me. The gym? I forget what it looks like on the inside.

I have been in my teaching practicum with a very demanding sponsor, so I am in class on my feet all day, then home and marking/lesson planning at night, with no time to even DREAM about my expensive fitness bootcamp that I was missing.

Absence makes the heart go fonder, that's for sure. I miss the gym!!

Between the fact that I was stressed, I hadn't been to the gym in 4 days, I'd been eating salty post-Halloween pumpkin seeds, and it's just before my period - The scale was showing me UP... a LOT.

I knew it was mostly water retention, but it still sucked.

Last night I went to Mokesha Hot Yoga. I hadn't been in over a year and I forgot how much I love it!! Anyways - I weighed myself before I went, and I weighed myself when I got home...

a difference of 5 POUNDS! I sweated out 5 freaking pounds in one hour. It was glorious... I practically squealed on the scale!

I weighed myself this morning after a 10 hour sleep, and I was down to my lowest weight. Ever. Another 3 lbs gone in my sleep.

I think between salty foods, lack of exercise, stress, lack of sleep, and PMS, I was holding ALLLLLL that water in my body. I could feel it, too. A really great sweating session and a good night sleep FIXED it! I don't feel heavy anymore!

I may have to sign up for a weekly hot yoga session... perhaps on the day before (or of?) weigh in?? haha.

Week 7 WI & Halloween

I lost 2 lbs at WI this week, which is really just 1 pound, since I was up last week.

My home scale showed me at 214, but for some reason the gym scale said 215. Oh well, who's counting anyways?! ;P

Last night was nice. Joe and I went for dinner at my favourite restaurant. I had a cider and a delicious Tofu dish with veggies and rice. I ate until I was nicely full, and packed up the rest to go. That was quite a feat in itself because I LOVE this dish!! It's so good I could have easily overate. haha

We were dressed up really nice, and we were going to go to a movie when we got a phone call about a party that was happening. We both kind of felt up to it so we decided to go. We drove all the way home to pick up some wine and call a cab when we got another phone call that it was cancelled - the host was going out instead. So now we're home, all dressed up, and the movie has started.

We decided to just go with the flow and instead we stayed home. We drank wine, carved a pumpkin, baked pumpkin seeds and watched a scary movie. It was a cozy night in :)

Today is very busy for me, I have to plan some lessons for my practicum this week. I'm teaching French, English, and Math. Gulp!

whole new world...

So I discovered today that I can shop almost ANYWHERE! For shirts, at least. I now have shirts from Banana Republic, Ricki's, and a local hippie-type shop :)

This is a whole new world for me... I have been waiting for this day!

Today I bought a long sleeved shirt in an XL.
I bought a tank top in a L.
and... drumroll please!!

I bought a sweater in a MEDIUM.

A MEDIUM!!

I phoned my boyfriend from the store to tell him *I* bought a *MEDIUM!* and it looks very nice!!

It is our 1 year anniversary on Monday, so we are going out for dinner tomorrow night. We are going for Thai food and a movie. I plan to weigh in for bootcamp tomorrow morning instead of Sunday, so that I'm not on salt-overload. haha

I have been way too busy to write. It might be like that until next week. But I'll be sure to keep you updated :)

B: Steel cut oats, blueberries, almond milk and cinnamon
S: Strawberries
L: Vegetable stirfry w/tofu and brown rice noodles
S: Mixed nuts & mandarin orange
D: Split pea & mock-ham soup, crackers

I will get at least 30 mins of cardio before my fitness class tonight, hopefully more. It is amazing how much easier it is to eat right when you pack you lunch and plan you breakfast the night before!! I am going to have a great day for food and exercise, I can feel it :)

ETA: Followed the plan well, but added in a glass of almond milk w/protein powder before the gym. It was gross, but I was hungry. haha

Halfway... dang.

As predicted, I am up 1 lb today.

Today was the Week 6 weigh in. That means I'm half way through the program. I'm a bit disappointed with my numbers to date, but there is no sense dwelling on it. I have been working on an attitude makeover for the new week. I want to WANT to work hard, I want to WANT to eat well. Instead of phrasing everything in a "I don't want to" way, I need to remember why I'm doing this and that I have limited time with this amazing opportunity.

Push yourself! There are only six weeks left!!

I am going to get back to weighing and measuring my food, and work really hard at the gym this week. My Tuesday and Thursday cardio will be a solid 45-60 minutes.

I can do better! I hope to make my goal of 199 by the end of this program. I can reach that if I really put my mind to it.

I will be posting portion sizes and cardio workouts for the week on here, to keep myself accountable :)

The ol' STS routine...

I had a loss of 5.5 last week, which was awesome!

I have been monitoring my weight this week and I can say with much certainty that I will not be showing a loss tomorrow. I think I'll be in the 0 to +1 range.

I missed one cardio day this week, and in its place I went to a friends house for dinner. We had spaghetti, garlic bread, salad, and a small glass of white wine. I know it was carb overload but it was a gathering of my school friends to unwind after a hectic week of presentations and papers. I NEEDED to get out!

I guess this post is just me mentally preparing myself for a 0 on the scale tomorrow, or a small gain. I'm trying to eat light and drink lots of water today (as I always do on Saturdays). I guess I'm not surprised - I never lose weight after a big number. I am going to go on the assumption that this WI and next WI will be little-to-none, and then if something happens, great. My body seems to have a pattern so I should listen and not get bent out of shape over it!

So here's hoping I have a STS tomorrow and not a gain :)

Wednesdayyyy

Today I was a little bit late so I missed about 10 minutes of spin. That hardly matters 'cause I was still instantly sweating when I got on the bike!
I have a love hate relationship with spinning. I love it when I'm not there. I love how it makes me feel after, and how I feel proud that *I* go to spinning. I HATE it when I'm actually there, on the bike, flailing like a madwoman and having Zack shouting "HARDER,FASTER,GO!GO!GO!!"

Blarrrghhh *falls of spin bike*

It is a really busy week for me and I'm just not getting everything done. I have a presentation tomorrow morning, and another presentation on Friday morning. I have a bunch of little assignments due that I've been neglecting. I have been spending WAY too much time just surfing the internet and slacking off.

I feel like I ate too much today, but I didn't. I just ate more carbs & proteins than fruits and veggies. It feels like a poor balance.

B - Steel cut oats with blueberries, almond milk, and sprinkle of brown sugar
S - Apple, 99 cal dark chocolate
L - Bean burrito (hummus instead of cheese or sour cream)
S - Protein drink, kinda regretting this one as it turned out to be a whopping 300 cals!! YIKES. However, it was delish and packed with B vitamins and 20g soy protein.
D - Beans, rice, corn, and lentils mixed together. Small glass of OJ.
S - Triscuits with vegan cheese.

See what I mean? carb-heavy and not enough fruits and veggies. More calories than I should have eaten. Oh well. I will try to do better tomorrow :)

I am feeling pretty great about my weight loss lately. I think those progress pics really boosted my mood - to see that kind of change. I also have been actually enjoying the gym this week.

I stepped on the scale this morning and it is showing me up from Sunday. I know my pattern - Big loss, little/none, little/none, Big loss. So, after that week of 5.5 I'm thinking this will be a little-to-no-loss week. I'm going to put the effort in anyways, hopefully I'll at least stay the same!! I'd like to lose 1lb to crack that 140 lbs down mark :)

Sorry about my disjointed thoughts today. I'm kinda all over the place.

Progress Pic - 139 lbs down

Camping in the rain + rock climbing = not so pretty picture.
However, who CARES! With that kind of comparison shot, I would have posted the pic even if I had spinach in my teeth. LOL!

I've lost an additional 9lbs since that was taken, in September.

Weigh In Numero Cinq

Last week: 221.5
This week: 216.0
Loss this week: 5.5
Loss to date: 15 lbs

Total loss to date: 139 lbs!!

Oh yeah, I rock :)

Today's work out was pretty intense. We ran up and down a steep hill four times. Then we did some body bar exercises, leg workouts with the balance ball, planks, crunches and push ups. Following that we did walking lunges all the way up one of the main streets in the city (yay for cars driving by and watching us, haha) and jogged back. After that we had to run up and down the stairwell in the gym 10 times, each time doing either single step, double step, crossover step, hop. BLAH! I'm sweaty.

All in all it was a tiring work out as usual. My shmancy new exercise watch says I burned 1237 calories, I'm thinking about 60% of those were fat - so really about 742 cals.

I'm going to have veggie burgers and home made (baked) french fries for lunch. I don't even feel bad about it! I can afford it :)

Feels good again!

I took a few days off over Thanksgiving and I think that is exactly what I needed to feel better! The last few workouts I've had have been fantastic.
Yesterday, I did 30 minutes of spinning with my trainer before class. I was drenched by the end - and felt great! Then we did cardio boxing again, which I'm totally loving. We also did a bunch of lunges, squats, push-ups and crunches. It was a great day overall, totaling about 2 hours of exercise.

My new exercise watch says I burned 1580 calories. I was ECSTATIC!! It sure felt like I could have burned that, the spinning itself was SO intense. However, my boyfriend doesn't feel that is an accurate number. So I punched my exercise into Fitday.com and it came back saying about 900 calories. Okay, fine. I was a little less excited about that but it's still good!

I've been doing fine without cereal, and the no carbs in the evening thing was going well... until last night. I had some popcorn. I had plain air popped though, so there was no margarine or salt!! Just plain ol popcorn.

I was going to go to the gym this morning but I couldn't get out of bed. It was just too cozy in there, cuddling my kitty and snuggling my boyfriend. I may go after work, or I may just take the day off. Tomorrow is WI and super-buttkick day at the gym... so perhaps a rest in preparation :)

My home scale is showing me down about 4 lbs this week. I'm eating fresh today and drinking lots of water - fingers crossed that number sticks around for tomorrow! The scale says 217 - Every time it gets lower, I am more bewildered. I am 217 lbs? ME? I am actually at a weight that I don't really consider to be that bad. I'm at a weight where years ago I would have dreamily thought "Wouldn't it be nice?" haha.
I was right - it is nice :)

I have my sights set on Onederland. It's coming up around the corner - I know I'll get there :) In the summertime I set a personal goal of being 199 lbs or less by New Years Day, 2011. I think it can actually happen!!

:)

I am annoyed.
When I'm annoyed, I want to eat.
When I'm annoyed about not being able to eat something, I especially want to eat.

Today at the gym my trainer pushed me so hard on the spin bike and then the weights that I nearly threw up. I had to stop mid-class to rest and drink water. He was getting on my back about it, when my death-glare must have clued him in. If I had opened my mouth to say "I'm going to barf", I would have barfed.

At the end of the class we reviewed my food journal. He didn't even CARE about what I ate over Thanksgiving. He didn't care one bit. However, he did care about a million other things and sent me home feeling pretty ticked off. He has decided that I am to have:

1) No more cereal for breakfast. (He doesn't care if it's healthy like High Fiber Bran, Vector, Just Right, Kashi, or whatever. No cereal period). I am to have oatmeal instead. I don't have a lot of time in the morning so I guess I'll be making oatmeal before bed at night.)

2) No more carbs at dinner. No potatoes, rice, pasta, whatever. He said veggies and protein only, and fruit in the evenings for snacks. THIS one PISSES me off! I don't know why... but it does. I am really good at watching what I eat in terms of portion sizes and healthfulness, but when someone says I CANT have something... it triggers this monster inside that makes me want to go on a binge-spree of said item. So of course, this made me want to devour a bunch of potatoes and bread. Thankfully, my boyfriend talked to me about everything, made me feel a bit better about it, and agreed that he will go without carbs in the evenings too - we'll do it together. I love this man :)

3) Measure my food. He only seems to care about breakfast and lunch portions, though. Uh, okay. Done.

4) Bring in nutritional info for all the weirdo vegan food I eat. Well, he didn't call it weird, but he's been constantly harping at me about almond milk and mock meats. For example, I have tried to explain that almond milk is WAY better than soy milk but he wants proof. Ugh.


I think in addition to all that stuff I was mostly annoyed because he was saying that he wants to see "bigger numbers" from me. He says I'm doing good but that he knows I can do better - that I need to up my cardio and make this little changes in my diet to get better results. I am trying SO HARD! Yes I only lost 9.5 lbs last month. (I realize the absurdity of that statement). However, the calipers showed the 20 lb fat loss, 11 lb lean mass gain. He doesn't care. He says calipers are useless and I should ignore them totally; the scale is what matters.

Grumble.

Confessions of an Indulgent Weekend

It wasn't the vegan pumpkin pie, it wasn't the mashed potatoes, or even the mushroom gravy. It wasn't the fact that I missed two of my workouts because I had two different dinners to attend.

It was this - this sneaky little bugger found his way into my hand. Over and over again:



Damn you, long island iced tea!



I did alright all things considered. I do feel like I ate too much bread, drank too much alcohol, and worked out too little. However, my home scale is being forgiving and only showing me up half a pound. I will be heading to the gym this afternoon for a high-quality cardio session. I will be eating light for the rest of the week.

It's funny - I was starting to feel burnt out with the whole bootcamp thing, but after my positive measurement results and my two days of eating without tracking - I am totally ready to recommit and give it my all again! I feel EXCITED to get working out. It was exactly what I needed.

:)

Month One Stats!!

Bootcamp Start Weight: 231 lbs
Today's Weight: 221.5
Month one loss: 9.5 LBS

Caliper readings, listed as start#/current#

Pec - 23/12
Subscapular - 39/26
Bicep - 14/12
Tricep - 26/20
Kidney - 50/34
Suprailiac - 26/22
Abdominal - 35/24
Quadracep - 52/42
Medial Calf - 23/18

In total I lost 78 clicks on the calipers, bringing my body fat percent down from 33.6 to 25.6!!

Lean Mass Start: 152.2 lbs
Current Lean Mass: 164.8 lbs

Fat on my body to start: 77.8 lbs
Current fat on my body: 56.7 lbs

As you can see, my body fat has gone down significantly and my lean mass has gone up. THAT is why, as frustrating as it is, I've only lost 9.5lbs according to the scale. In actuality, I have lost 20.9 lbs of Body Fat and gained 11.4 lbs of Lean Mass!

I really needed to hear that today!!
I was at the end of my rope. I was sick and tired of working so hard with no good news at the scale. I do feel like this assessment is right, as ALL my clothes fit better (or are too big!) I feel firmer and stronger, and people have been noticing the weight loss. To hear that I've lost 20lbs of fat really sounds RIGHT to me! It just has not been reflecting on the scale because of the 11.4 lbs of muscle and water that I've put on.

The ultimate goal during the program is to lose 10-20lbs of body fat per month, so although the scale isn't being nice, I'm actually right on track :)

Thank goodness for good news!!

So I haven't written in a while. Life's been BUSY.

I had another 0 at weigh in last week. How frustrating!! 3 weeks at the same weight means I'm REALLY hoping to lose something this week. It really sucks to be going to the gym 6 days per week, watching my boyfriend eat delicious snacks, and *licks lips* the wine... oh how I miss the wine... all for a big fat GOOSE EGG at the scale.

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude but it's hard. I'm paying BIG money for this bootcamp, I'm busting my arse. I know I'm not getting as much cardio in as I should be, however, I am juggling this with full time university and a job. I'm only human... my housework has certainly fallen to the wayside over all of this.

I've been trying not to binge eat, because I've been craving carbs pretty badly. I don't know if I'm eating enough protein because I am hungry ALL THE TIME. I have been getting a little mock ham in my lunch sandwich, and whatever tofu/Gardien chik'n/beans, etc that we have for dinner. It's enough to be healthful but I think I need more.

I had a little epiphany the other day. I was dragging my arse to the gym, as I feel like I have been doing all week. Ever since my last post about not wanting to go I've continued to feel like that. Yesterday when I was walking and whining inside my head "I don't want to go" "Ugh, I don't have time for this" etc, a little light bulb went on. By resisting it, I'm simply making it harder for myself. I need an attitude adjustment! Things are much more pleasant and much easier when we embrace them. I have taken the "it's happening, so I may as well try to enjoy it" attitude yesterday and today and I've had 2 really good workouts. Much better than if I got there and started thinking "This sucks, I'm going to just do 20 minutes" or whatever.

But I don't WANNA!!

*stomp stomp* HA-RUMPH!

I don't WANT to go to the gym. I want to lay around all night eating chocolate and cuddling my boyfriend. Wahhhhh!!!

..
....

Okay, so that was a bit dramatic. But I really don't feel like going. Alas, I am off to the gym in about 5 minutes, dragging my sorry (and SORE) arse behind me.

Harrumph.

One mistake per day?

I seem to be getting into this strange habit of making a mistake each day with my meal plan or exercise. I'll be totally, 100% on plan, things will be going fabulously - and then OOPS! I ate a cookie. Or OOPS, Starbucks accidentally gave me something sugary, instead of the plain tea I ordered... and I drink it anyways.

I'm just wondering why I allow myself those little blips. It's weird, I don't feel THAT bad about them, but it makes me wonder if having a PERFECT day is even possible.

Today I wanted to get 40 minutes of cardio, but the fire alarm went off at the gym and it rang and rang forever... totally taking me out of my zone. I cut out 15 minutes early. YES I walked around the mall for 2 hours afterwards, but it's not the same.

I might look at tomorrow or Thursday and REALLY put the effort in to make it 100% perfect. It is hard when I have all kinds of delicious vegan treats laying about :)

I went shopping for new work/teaching pants (teaching pants? lol) today, and both pairs I bought were a size 18. The fit is really nice & flattering. They will fit great for my upcoming practicum, and will likely be a bit baggy for the practicum after that - if all goes according to plan. Based on that I tried to buy them nice and snug and not too expensive. I'm hoping I don't have to get another pair until the bootcamp is over (although I can't be TOO peeved if I do - being smaller would be nice!)

Sunday WI

I just posted this on the WW message board. Instead of re-articulating my thoughts, here is a cross post:

- 0, Stayed the same!

I was very disappointed at first, but I feel much better about it now. I've had some time to think and I decided to take the advice that I always give people who are down about STS. I didn't gain, I maintained. I had a huge loss last week and a fairly hectic week food and exercise wise. I am happy to have maintained.

I am still down 8lbs in 2 weeks, which is great. My clothes are already feeling better and I've received 4 compliments in the last three days. I am looking at the positives!

It is so easy to become a slave to the number on the scale and I don't want to do it anymore. This journey is so much more enjoyable when we're focussed on the positive, including NSVs.

I'm going to divorce my home scale this week and just focus on eating right, following the plan, and exercising the best I can. If I keep up a healthy lifestyle the weight WILL come off.

~ H

I was really choked when I didn't lose, but the gym owner came and gave us an awesome pep talk. I'm feeling so much better now. Our work out was great, I pushed myself that extra bit. I feel stronger; push ups and sit ups are getting easier. My thighs feel harder to the touch. I feel like I look great in the mirror when I'm working out.

In the last three days I have had a handful of compliments. I got a FB msg from a friend saying that "you look great in your pics, whatever you're doing - it's working!" I had an ex co-worker squeal "You're looking skinny!" when I ran into her. I had an old high friend tell me "You look great!" and - my mom and dad gave me a hug on my birthday and exclaimed "There's nothing left to hug!"

So, I can't been too upset the scale didn't move :)

Saturday thoughts :)

My legs are killing me today. Ouchie!!
We had our workout last night and we did some really hard stuff.

We did one legged squats, where you put one foot up over your knee and then squat. We did rope lunges, where you place your foot on the boxing ring rope and then lunge forward with the other leg. (1 legged lunges, essentially) We did a bazillion push ups, lots of crunches. I tried to get a little extra cardio in.

I *really* need to ditch my home scale, but I am finding it extremely difficult. I stepped on this morning and it is still showing me up 1 lb. It causes me to wrack my brain with "what should I do? More cardio? Rest day and lots of water? Eat more? Eat less??"

My boyfriend told me to STOP weighing myself, but it's not that easy. My trainer told me to stop, the gym owner told me to STOP. I went to all three of them with "what should I do, the scale says I'm up!?" and all of them say "Who cares?" If you are eating right, exercising, and following the plan, you will NOT get fat, you will NOT gain weight. It's a fluctuation, simple as that.

I know I always give that advice to other people, but I am admittedly scale obsessed. I thought about telling my boyfriend to hide the scale on me while I'm at work so I don't know where it is. When I went to call him, I felt anxious (no scale!?!) and chickened out. What the heck??

I was thinking about this on the way to work. I think it is a bizarre need to show others that I'm succeeding. I don't want to be up because then when my mom, friends, or teammates ask about my WI, I have to tell them. I feel like I have something to prove, but I don't know what and I don't know to who.

Yesterday in class, all of my classmates were talking about how inspiring it was to watch me climb a 3 story tall tree even though I'm desperately afraid of heights. The first time I did it, I was hyperventilating and crying by the time I got to the top. I am REALLY afraid of heights. The next day, I felt like I had to try it again, to do it without freaking out, just to show I could. I did - I climbed all the way to the top, and then even did the swinging bridge. My friends were all cheering at the bottom and taking pictures. People I barely know came and told me how proud they were of me. It was embarrassing... but I had to prove to myself and other people that I wasn't going to let something that scares me control me.

There was one point at about 7 meters high where I was completely frozen in fear, my fingers were freezing and purple, and my body would not move despite my mind. All I could say was "I'm stuck!! I can't do this, I'm stuck!" But then I would use the mantra that my previous Professor (and now dear friend) told me: "I choose to feel relaxed and calm"... I mantra'd my way through and managed to get my body climbing again. Later, my friend Jeff said "I honestly thought you were going to give up. If I was stuck on the side of the tree like that, and as afraid as you were, I would have given up."

I kind of feel like that is how it is with my weight loss. When I have everyone around me staring at me, waiting to see if I give up... I power through and keep going. If there was no audience it would probably be a different story. Who climbs a 3 story tree with no one around to watch?

Ugh.

Alright so I haven't written since Sunday. My week has been a bit scrambled, and unfortunately it is not looking good on the scale.
I missed my Monday bootcamp and Tuesday cardio to go camping. While I was camping I did my best for food choices, however veggie dogs did make a convenient lunch, and apparently my trainer doesn't think that was a good choice. I did get lots of exercise, I was BEYOND SORE from climbing some really tall trees (see pic above) and we did a few beach walks and a nice long kayak. Unfortunately, when I got home from the trip my parents wanted to take me out for dinner (it was my birthday). We went for my favourite - Thai food. I did manage to make better choices, I had a tofu stirfry that wasn't in a coconut milk sauce. I had one veggie spring roll and stuck to water. The following night, my actual birthday, we just had salad and baked tofu for dinner. It was light and fresh and yummy. I did go to the gym on my b-day, (Wednesday), and I did my "make up" session today. I made sure to get a little extra cardio too, however the scale is not being nice. I'm quite worried that I'm going to have a gain this Sunday. After that awesome loss, I really would like to at LEAST have a stay the same!!

I want this week to be over, gain or not, so I can get on with a better week. I want to be able to attend MY class time with my trainer and teammates, I want to pay closer attention to following the meal plan. It's just been an off week all around and I just hope it doesn't result in a gain!!

First Weigh In!!

Well, I am home from my WEEK ONE WEIGH IN!

I lost 8lbs!! EIGHT!!
That is even better than when I did the bootcamp last time, and I was heavier then!

I had a great week, I ate well, had awesome work outs, and overall I feel like I really earned that loss. I am ecstatic!! I'm also super excited because I am at my lowest weight EVER :)

Bootcamp start weight: 231 lbs
Current weight: 223 lbs
Bootcamp loss to date: 8 lbs
Total loss to date: 132 lbs

I wish I could share more, however it is 9:00pm and I am leaving for a camping trip at 7:00 am, and I'm barely packed and frantically trying to get it together! I will be back on Tuesday night with tales of hiking, kayaking, spelunking (??), and all kinds of neat beachy-woodsy activities. :)

YAHOO!!! :)

Well my life has been really busy. I'm juggling full time school, part time work, and this crazy commitment to exercise. On top of all that I need to function in my life - keep the house tidy, keep the fridge stocked, and spend some time with my boyfriend. I feel like it's going to be a very packed few months!! Thankfully after Thanksgiving my work hours are lowered a bit, which will give me a second day off per week.

Workouts have been good - Wednesday night we used the big exercise balls and did free weight workouts - french press, tricep press etc; as well we did a lot of ab work which I was really struggling with! I could hardly follow the routine, I ended up modifying it to my own ability.

Yesterday was a cardio only day, so I rode my bike to and from school. It's funny because I think about how my grandpa used to tell the stories of having to "walk up hill in the snow, in my pajamas, BOTH WAYS!" I always thought uphill both ways - that's impossible! Well, it's NOT impossible where I live! haha. I live on top of a hill which is on top of a hill. You can see my place from most of Nanaimo. The university is on top of a large steep hill as well. Soooo, technically to get to school or home I am going downhill for the first bit, and uphill the rest of the way. I was a sweaty mess by the time I got there!

The scale is looking good but I don't want to get my hopes up. It's my time of the month, plus I feel like I've been eating too much. My trainer keeps bugging me to eat more but I really am satisfied with the amount I've been eating. I haven't been counting points or calories, just eating what they say to eat when I'm hungry, and stopping when I'm satisfied. It has been good so far but I might just start tracking again to make sure I'm not eating too little or too much. I'd really hate for food to be the thing that determines my success, since it is the one thing that I'm really good at!!

Today was supposed to be really busy for me - I had to duck out of class early to head for work, and then go to the later time slot of my exercise class. So I leave class and head to work - just to find out when I get there that I read the e-mail wrong and I work NEXT Friday!! So I walk home, picking up some lunch on the way home (a container of vegetarian chili). When I got home I realized that I hadn't packed my house keys since I assumed I would be home in the evening when Joe would be there to let me in. (I was running late, couldn't find them, dismissed them as unimportant). Anyhoo - now here I am. Sitting in the grass in my backyard, eating chili with only crackers as a spoon, and blogging with a dying laptop battery. Joe should be home in about an hour and half. If there was an earlier exercise class I'd just head over there, since I'm already in my work out clothes and have nothing else to do, but unfortunately the next one isn't until 4:30 - the one I'm scheduled in.

Le Sigh. I suppose I could just enjoy the outdoors for a bit, or try to get ahead on some homework. Hopefully I don't have to pee anytime soon...

All is going well, I'm just really busy!
The scale shows me down 5 lbs!! We'll see if it sticks until Sunday.
I'll update more when I have time, perhaps tomorrow or on the weekend.

:)

Cardio only day

5 min walk/jog to gym
10 min elliptical
8 min row machine
5 min treadmill
5 min walk home
5 min stretching

B: Natures Path cereal with blueberries & almond milk
S: Apple and Ryvita with natural peanut butter
L: Vegan chili with crackers
S: Grapes and 1/2 cookie
D: Beans with brown rice and veggies

5L water :)

I am sore today! I also realized that I have not been pushing myself at the gym these past few months, so although my times look short it's because I was actually kicking my own butt on the machines. Hehehe

Edited to add:

Oh! I forgot to mention the neatest game on the row machines at the gym!! They have this setting for "Fish Game", and you're this little automated fish that has to move up and down, trying to eat smaller fish and avoid bigger fish. You automatically float to the bottom until you use the rower machine to pull and that gives you a burst in the upwards direction. So to move quickly away, you have to row quickly!! Each round is 4 minutes, and at the end it tells you how many metres you rowed, as well as your average speed, and points earned for fish. It was SO FUN!! I could see myself getting addicted to that machine. I wish all workout machines had games like that!!

Day One. Ouchie.

Cardio warm up: 5 minute walk to gym, plus 15 minutes of walking/jogging combo on the treadmill. Incline 2, alternating speeds 3.5 & 4.5

Today we started with the following:

squats with vertical pole (30 slow reps, 30 fast reps)

stiff leg deadlift with bent over row (60 reps)

barbell curls with shoulder press (30 reps)

vertical bar french press with squats (20 reps)

push ups (60)

lunges, crunches (in various capacities: basic, alternating holding one leg up, legs moving in and out, both knees up, etc) (140 - 2 sets of 10 reps each position)

lunges with knee raises (60)

superman drill (120)

We went through that sequence twice!

Then we stretched for a few minutes.

Now I'm sore :(

My food today:

B: Nature's Path cereal, blueberries & almond milk

S: Apple, almonds

L: Tortilla with Gardien mock chicken breast, lettuce, tomato & mustard

S: Pear, 1/2 cookie

D: Vegan chili with small slice whole grain focaccia

I also drank 5L of water.

My trainer is dumb. I know more about proper form than he does. He kept telling us to "straighten our legs" when locking your knees is NOT GOOD! I would keep the slightest bend and he'd come by and say "straighten your legs!"

HELLOooo... You are not supposed to lift weights with locked knees!! Clearly all those years as a Chippendales dancer were NOT used to pay his way through university...

Also, he calls for reps toooooo fast! He says "updown updown updown" when there should be a slow up and down movement, like "up two three, down two three" because just moving the barbells up and down that fast is mostly working on momentum, and not actually engaging the muscles. Luckily, I know my way around a gym and I've done lots of training before, but the other people in the group (who are paying a LOT of money!) are not being given the best information possible. I ran these perceived mistakes by my boyfriend (who is also a personal trainer!) and he agreed with me that I was right. He thinks I should mention it to the manager if I'm not comfortable mentioning it to the trainer. Someone could get hurt!

Ugh. I did get a great workout though, and the people on my team seem really nice :)

I think I'll take a hot bath to relax my muscles a bit, and then go cuddle on the couch with my wonderful, lovely, perfect-for-me boyfriend :) <3

Orientation Day

So today was a little bit anti-climactic, which I suppose is a good thing. We spent the first hour going over things I already know - how to turn on an elliptical, how to properly get on and off the treadmill, emphasis on food being a key component of weight loss. Blah blah blah.

GET THIS. My new trainer?

He's an ex Chippendales dancer....

ha ha ha!!

Yes, he's a pretty boy, EXTREMELY muscular (likely could crush my head with a bicep curl) and I'm sure he's never been fat for a day in his life. I find it a bit harder to relate to trainers who have never had to lose weight before.

That aside, we had a great workout today and I'm really looking forward to getting going on this. We did crunches, squats, lunges, push ups, jumping jacks, (I'll have you know I just wrote "humping jacks" tee hee) step ups onto really tall platforms, oh, and ran up and down a flight of stairs 6 times. My trainer had these ropes that we took turns placing around our waist, and then tried to lunge our way across the gym like we were towing a car or something. He used all his might for resistance, which made for a good exercise!

We then did some squats with medicine balls and some stretching. It was just a bit of an intro day, immersing the newbies into the program. I worked up a good sweat and my trainer did push me a little extra like I was hoping (hovering over me during crunches, shouting at me hehe)

I am now home, showered, in my PJs, and looking forward to a bit of relaxation before bed :)

Bring on tomorrow!!

I'M SCARED!

My heart just fluttered a bit when I looked at the time... less than one hour to go!

I am scared...

EEP!!

Progress Pic #1 - BEFORE

Here is my suitable-for-blog photo (ie. NOT me in short shorts and a sports bra)

It is my before pic, taken yesterday, at 230 lbs.

I won't miss that lumpy bottom, protruding gut, and chubby arms!! :)

Welcome to the hardest workouts you'll ever have

It's approaching rapidly and I'm ready for it!! I have a cocktail party tonight - drinks and appys with friends - and then IT'S ON!!

Here is the welcome e-mail I received last night. I have X'd out the names & telephone numbers for privacy.

-----

It's Finally here and we are all ready for you!

YOUR TEAM CLASS TIME IS 5:30 AM, (ugh) so you should be here between 5:00 and 5:10 am (double ugh) to do your cardio warm up before the class starts.

This may not be the exact time that you wanted but hopefully it's close. If you can try to make this time work, it is a logistical nightmare to do the scheduling of all 6 teams and the least amount of changes that I have to make would be very much appreciated.

YOUR TRAINER IS [NAME] and her email is [e-mail] and her cell phone # is [phone #] please make sure you contact her if you can"t make your class.

The Mandatory classes are Monday, Wednesday, Fridays and Sundays. You will be assigned a Cardio Buddy for Tuesday and Thursday, hopefully this new support person works out to help you stay on track if not let your trainer know and a new arrangement will be made for you.

If you will be away, make sure your trainer knows to put together a plan for while you are away.

I have attached your teammates email addresses in the "To:" line for your contact between yourselves.

THE SEPTEMBER BIGGEST LOSER CLASS TIMES AND TRAINERS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

5:30 AM [TRAINER NAME]

6:30 AM [TRAINER NAME]

9:00 AM [TRAINER NAME]

4:30 PM [TRAINER NAME]

5:30 PM [TRAINER NAME]

You may substitute your class for any of the following times as long as you inform your trainer and please try to stay in your time and team for the 12 weeks but please use these other times so not to miss a class when your schedule does require changing.

The START DATE IS THIS SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 12TH, in case you didn't know!!!!

YOU CAN ATTEND ORIENTATION AND YOUR FIRST SESSION WITH YOUR TRAINER EITHER AT 10 AM till 12 NOON or 5 PM to 7 PM. Normally you attend either session on Sundays, but for this 1st one please reply back with which one you will be attending on the 11th so I can let your trainer know and be ready for you.

The First hour on Sunday, you will be orientated with Team, and Trainer, the Biggest Loser Handbook, you will receive your BL Shirt and be orientated on the level one Cardio options that start each workout here. Then as a group we will all be participating in the first workout. Please be ready to workout, sweats or comfy pants, and runners etc. We will be outside for these Sunday workouts so if you want to bring your "outdoor" shoes, feel free.

I have attached the first week of food and the shopping list for you to get prepared before Sunday to start the eating plan Monday September 13th

THE dreaded "Before" Photos, will be take an hour before and during and an hour after each session time and take 2-3 minutes. Please bring or wear your before outfit and try to wear the same clothing again in 12 weeks. Ladies please sports bra and shorts showing mid-section and upper thighs (Oh Good Lord, are you kidding me?) and guys shorts and no shirt will give you the best result for visual gratification as to how far you have come and how all your hard work paid off. The photographer will take good and private care of your photo's and will be back in 12 weeks to do them again. (WHAT! I have to wear short shorts and a sports bra for a PHOTOGRAPHER? Yikes!) Again, we do not use them, see them, put them on our website or photo albums they are for you and you only. They are not done in front of anyone else, and we really encourage you to step outside that comfort zone and do it as they will blow you away to show how much you changed. (Okay that doesn't sound SO bad. It will be uncomfortable though.)

Please reply to my email or I will call you to confirm. I want to make sure you are #1, ok with your session time for mon/wed and fri and which session time you will be attending on Sunday!

If you would like to bring a friend or spouse to Sunday, please feel free, we will try to rope them into the first workout though, so maybe give them a warning!!! (Oh yes, I am going to try to drag my boyfriend!! It'll give him a taste of what I'm in for these next 12 weeks!)

Thank you from all of us for being part of the coolest fitness program Nanaimo has to offer! We are looking forward to the transformations ahead of us and riding along this journey with you is going to be amazing!

I have met and spoke with each and every one of you and you are such an amazing group, I know the success will be off the charts. Please feel free to contact me throughout the program anytime for any reason to make your program better for you. I have the time to reply to an emails, questions and concerns you may have.

Welcome to the Biggest Loser SEPTEMBER 2010 and Fitness Edge!

-----

So, that's it I guess!! I've bought my new running shoes, a big container of vegan protein powder, I'm stocking up on healthy groceries this weekend. I have a little party tonight and that's the last I'll see of my dear friend alcohol for twelve weeks, and my even more dear friend, sleep.

I have actually put in a request to switch to the 4:30 pm group, simply because being at the gym at 5:00 am sounds HORRIFYING, I really don't know how healthy that would be for me. I suck at going to bed on time and I know sleep is very important for weight loss, stress management, and to keep me fresh for all my classes (as student AND teacher!) We'll see I guess!

I will not eat the Chai Oreo Ice-cream cake in the freezer.

I will not eat the Chai Oreo Ice-cream cake in the freezer.

I get these fabulous ideas for delicious food, like I dunno... CHAI and OREO together in a soy ice cream cake... and then I'm required to have will power and restraint against that which I myself created???

Edited to add: I did manage to resist, only based on the fact that it is 9:30 at night and a sugar high would not exactly help me fall asleep :)

September Bootcamp - Starting Stats!!

I start the fitness bootcamp on Sunday night. I enrolled today. It was simple, I just had to fork over more than two months rent, my soul, my first born child, and an arm. They said taxes have recently gone up (dang HST), so technically I owed them a leg, too.

So here it is. The big weigh and measure. I expected to not be as fit as I was when I left bootcamp last time, but it turned out not to be so bad. 1 year of intermittent, half hearted exercise has not reduced me to a gelatinous blob. I actually weigh 10 lbs lighter and am12.5 inches smaller. Go Me!

Here are the digits:

Weight: 230lbs

Pec - 23

Subscapular - 39

Bicep - 14

Tricep - 26

Kidney - 50

Suprailiac - 26

Abdominal - 35

Quadracep - 52

Medial Calf - 23

** calipers are sort of wacky for me, because I've lost so much weight and have excess skin. They may not be entirely accurate, however measuring them will still show progress. It's kinda like a scale that isn't calibrated to start, but will still show a downward trend.

Chest - 40"

Waist - 40"

Hips - 48.5"

Arms - 14.5"

Legs - 29.5"

Calves - 17.5"

Lean Mass: 152.2 lbs

Fat on my body: 77.8 lbs

GOAL:

Lean Mass + 20-30lbs fat (optimal health) = 172.2 - 182.2 lbs

That means me losing 47.8 to 57.8 lbs...

Sounds about right to me!! I would be very happy at 182 lbs. Ultimately my personal goal is 177.5, which may seem like a trivial number, however it is exactly half my start weight. It also falls into the right weight range for optimal health, according to MY BODY. My lean mass, my personal fat percentage. :)

Zzzz

It's a grey and rainy holiday Monday. It was hard to drag myself out of bed this morning. I imagine there will be much internet surfing to be had at work today, as there are not many visitors roaming the grey rainy streets with all the shops closed.

Yesterday I was feeling uber-productive. I cleaned the entire house - and not just a light tidy. I pulled out furniture and swept all the forgotten crevices where the sun don't shine... I cleaned out drawers and closets, scrubbed the bathroom and washed the floors. All the laundry is done and there is not a thing out of place! I love it :)

Speaking of cleaning out drawers and closets - I did an overhaul on my wardrobe. I tried on every single item I own - pants, skirts, t-shirts, dresses, sweaters. If it was even remotely too big I chucked it into a donation box. I only kept things that either fit perfectly now, or were too small and will fit soon.

I discovered a pair of jeans in my drawer that used to be too tight...

I put them on and they look fabulous!

My boyfriend was ogling me, it was hilarious... I didn't realize the jeans I'd been wearing were too big and frumpy until I put on ones that actually FIT. Wearing clothes that fit properly really make a difference to your figure. Wearing those jeans made me look 10lbs lighter!!

Anyways, it was a great discovery. I have two more too-small jeans in the drawer just waiting to be worn. I figure they'll fit at the end of my bootcamp :)

full...

Ugh, I am so super full right now. In fact, I sort of feel like this fish:

My boyfriend made two loaves of fresh whole wheat focaccia bread, so we had veggie paninis for lunch. It seems that deciding to do this bootcamp has given me an excuse to stop counting points and just eat until I'm full. Bad idea!! I wanted a little scoop of ice-cream and maybe to share a bottle of wine with Joe, simply because it will be 12 weeks before I'm able to do those things again - however I've taken it a bit far by abandoning points altogether. I haven't gone crazy or anything, I've still been eating healthful - as I always do - however I've taken a bigger helping here and an extra bite there - and now I feel like the fish in this comic!! hehe

Anyways, I've got a big glass of water and I'm going make something light, fresh and healthy for dinner - probably just salad. I'll be counting points again tomorrow. Perhaps I can get some APs in tonight or tomorrow as well. It's amazing to me that I really do NOT like the feeling of being full, where before, at my highest weight - that is what I would strive for.

I also love that I can curb myself really fast now. I have one not-even-that-bad day and it's right back on track... simply because I really don't like the feeling of being out of control, or eating too much, or eating poorly. It makes me feel yucky.

I work a lot for the next few days and then it back to school. Bootcamp starts in T-9 days!! Sunday September 12th will be our first outdoor workout. I will post a frumpy, flabby, unflattering "before" pic for all of you to enjoy :)

feeling emotional

For some reason this whole bootcamp thing has been making me really emotional. I even dreamed about it last night. I feel so sick and tired of being fat. I've been on this journey for four years and I'm just SO ready to be at goal. Ready NOW.

I am willing to put in the effort it takes, the sweat and dedication, but I need to be seeing results. As of now I am exercising daily and eating well, but yielding painstakingly slow results ( less than .5 lbs/week! ). I look and feel better than ever - which has given me a taste for more. I just want it so bad!!

I keep wracking my brain trying to decide if I can come up with the money. Technically I *can* do it, but it's more a question of *should* I. Would it be irresponsible to spend that kind of money? I can't believe how expensive it is. BUT I'm trying to look at it as an investment that may not return in dollar signs, but in a healthful and long life.

I was laying on the couch tonight thinking about how badly I want this and I started to get choked up. It's basically like someone saying "Give me $820 and I'll get you to goal in twelve weeks." I have to bust my ass at the gym and eat a very healthful diet - so yes I have to do the work - but having that structured program to whip me in to shape has always been where I thrive.

I have a little voice telling me I can do it on my own, but it will take longer. Probably another year or more, with effort. I feel like a little kid having a temper tantrum, saying "No, NOW!! I want it NOWWWWWW"

Sigh.

I'm going to see if the gym owner will give me a discount as a returning participant, and see if my family may contribute. My boyfriend is very supportive of whatever I choose, so ultimately it's my own decision.

Heavier sigh.

Biggest Loser - Round Two??

I *REALLY* want to do The Biggest Loser bootcamp again.

But it is SO MUCH money!

I've been researching, and all the bootcamps around here average between 160 and 200 dollars a month. They are crazy expensive, but after experiencing the bootcamp last summer I know it's worth it.

The one in particular I want to do - Biggest Loser (the one I started this blog for last summer) - is $820 for THREE MONTHS. That's a lot of money!! It was only $450 last year so obviously they've discovered that people will pay big bucks to lose so much weight.

However, I know it works. I did it last year and lost 43 lbs in 12 weeks. I wasn't even giving it my all - go back and read my posts! Occasionally I would skip days, drink on weekends, and not always follow the plan. I did also have great days, however I was in a dark place after leaving my husband. I still managed to loose that much in that short of a time. I really feel like if I were to do it again - now that I'm so much HAPPIER and STRONGER, and now that I know what I'd be committing to - I really feel like it would get me to my goal weight - or really close.

I feel so ready to be at goal. It's been over 4 years since I started this journey.

Trouble is coming up with that kind of money...

I was thinking about asking my family to contribute, they are usually quite supportive in my weight loss endeavors. It is my birthday in a few weeks so I may ask for that in lieu of gifts. I don't know...

I posted this on WW.ca so this might be a repeat for anyone who reads both boards.

I went shopping in Vancouver yesterday with my sister and mom. It was fun! EVERY single thing I tried on FIT, in every store! It felt so good to shop in non-plus size stores, to shop where my sister was shopping, and to really like everything I tried.

I am so confused about sizing these days. Either that or I'm confused about my body, haha. Yesterday I bought a hoodie from Lululemon that was size 12. I was amazed that anything from that store fit me, let alone be a TWELVE. I brushed it off as big sizing. Then, I went to Lotus Wear. I bought a pair of yoga pants... in a 12! Haha. Two twelves in one day. The 14 was too big! I still chalk it up to big sizing, because in Additionelle or Penningtons I'm an 16-18 top/18-20 bottom.

The clothes from Old Navy were all either L or XL (instead of the XXL or XXXL they offer). It was great! :)

All in all it was a very successful shopping trip. And now that I have two size twelves in my wardrobe, I can pretend that I'm a size 12. :P

good day, not so good day

Yesterday: (GOOD DAY)

Woke up, jogged to the gym, worked out for an hour, walked home. Then, I walked to and from work (to work, home for lunch, to work, back home). I ate well, then in the evening I biked over to a friends house and back. It was a really great day!!

Today: (NOT SO GOOD DAY)
Woke up, walked to work. Ate thai food for lunch. Walked home. We are having vegan pizza for dinner, and plans to drink some cider and have a stay-in night. I'm okay with all this but feeling a little guilty about the thai lunch AND pizza AND cider in one day - with little exercise.

Tomorrow is my first WI for my Long Term Challenge (30lbs by Dec 31)

HOWEVER - That said - tomorrow I am going to Vancouver with my mom and sister for a girls day, so we will be WALKING ALL DAY and shopping. I imagine I'll be walking for 8-10 hours. Okay. I feel better now. Sort of... :P

Scale addiction

I have been weighing myself every day. Sometimes twice. I know this is a bad habit to have, but I still do it. The number doesn't effect my mood or my behaviour, but perhaps that is because it has been creeping down or staying the same. If I had a giant gain it might be a different story.

I would hide the scales but my boyfriend is a daily weigher, too. Maybe we can talk about hiding them and weighing in together once per week. I'll report back what the decision is...

:)

New goals set :)

I have always known that I do much better when I set goals for myself, yet somehow I tend to ignore that. I recently cracked a milestone - with barely any effort - and it has re-inspired me to set some proper goals.

So here it goes!

I will go to the gym 3x per week, bike twice, and walk daily.
I will track my diet using fitday.com and weightwatchers.ca
I will drink 3L+ of water, daily.

My next weight goal has been set for December 31, 2010.

Current weight: 229.8
Target weight: 199.8
Total 30 lbs in just under 19 weeks

It CAN be done, but I will have to bust my arse!! I will be tracking, exercising, and weighing in. I have made a progress chart to make sure I'm on track to kicking these 30 lbs.

I know it will be a very meaningful day for me to see 199 lbs; I would LOVE to see that on the scale!

Bloggggg

I suck at blogging regularly so I'm not going to do a grandeous claim that I'm back again. LOL

Things have been going good for me. I have managed to keep off all the weight I lost during the bootcamp. Although, my wonderful, fabulous personal trainer boyfriend hasn't been able to kick my ass at the gym since my last blog post. He was having a lot of medical issues. He had a hernia operation that was botched by the surgeon, resulting in multiple trips to the emergency room and a second emergency surgery. (And artery was knicked and he was bleeding internally, and it took 3 trips to the hospital for someone to finally take action!) Blugh. It's all over now and he's mostly healed, though! Yay. I predict gym butt-kicking in my near future.

We have been able to go for walks and things, and he is a very healthful eater which makes it easier for me to do the same. I'm looking to restart Weight Watchers meetings in June when I can afford it.

We are getting our own place together ( lurrrrve <3 ) in June, so I think that will be a good time to clean out my cupboards and start a fresh routine. In the meantime I'll just keep doing what I'm doing - stepping on the scale once in a while to make sure I haven't crept up. I'm not going down but at least I'm not going up!!

I'll try to update a little more often. It's hard because I'm in the middle of planning my framework for my final practicum. I'm teaching a grade one class for 5 weeks and there is tons of work to do ahead of time. TONS. Which is what I should be doing right now instead of blogging... haha

Off to work!