But I don't WANNA!!

*stomp stomp* HA-RUMPH!

I don't WANT to go to the gym. I want to lay around all night eating chocolate and cuddling my boyfriend. Wahhhhh!!!

..
....

Okay, so that was a bit dramatic. But I really don't feel like going. Alas, I am off to the gym in about 5 minutes, dragging my sorry (and SORE) arse behind me.

Harrumph.

One mistake per day?

I seem to be getting into this strange habit of making a mistake each day with my meal plan or exercise. I'll be totally, 100% on plan, things will be going fabulously - and then OOPS! I ate a cookie. Or OOPS, Starbucks accidentally gave me something sugary, instead of the plain tea I ordered... and I drink it anyways.

I'm just wondering why I allow myself those little blips. It's weird, I don't feel THAT bad about them, but it makes me wonder if having a PERFECT day is even possible.

Today I wanted to get 40 minutes of cardio, but the fire alarm went off at the gym and it rang and rang forever... totally taking me out of my zone. I cut out 15 minutes early. YES I walked around the mall for 2 hours afterwards, but it's not the same.

I might look at tomorrow or Thursday and REALLY put the effort in to make it 100% perfect. It is hard when I have all kinds of delicious vegan treats laying about :)

I went shopping for new work/teaching pants (teaching pants? lol) today, and both pairs I bought were a size 18. The fit is really nice & flattering. They will fit great for my upcoming practicum, and will likely be a bit baggy for the practicum after that - if all goes according to plan. Based on that I tried to buy them nice and snug and not too expensive. I'm hoping I don't have to get another pair until the bootcamp is over (although I can't be TOO peeved if I do - being smaller would be nice!)

Sunday WI

I just posted this on the WW message board. Instead of re-articulating my thoughts, here is a cross post:

- 0, Stayed the same!

I was very disappointed at first, but I feel much better about it now. I've had some time to think and I decided to take the advice that I always give people who are down about STS. I didn't gain, I maintained. I had a huge loss last week and a fairly hectic week food and exercise wise. I am happy to have maintained.

I am still down 8lbs in 2 weeks, which is great. My clothes are already feeling better and I've received 4 compliments in the last three days. I am looking at the positives!

It is so easy to become a slave to the number on the scale and I don't want to do it anymore. This journey is so much more enjoyable when we're focussed on the positive, including NSVs.

I'm going to divorce my home scale this week and just focus on eating right, following the plan, and exercising the best I can. If I keep up a healthy lifestyle the weight WILL come off.

~ H

I was really choked when I didn't lose, but the gym owner came and gave us an awesome pep talk. I'm feeling so much better now. Our work out was great, I pushed myself that extra bit. I feel stronger; push ups and sit ups are getting easier. My thighs feel harder to the touch. I feel like I look great in the mirror when I'm working out.

In the last three days I have had a handful of compliments. I got a FB msg from a friend saying that "you look great in your pics, whatever you're doing - it's working!" I had an ex co-worker squeal "You're looking skinny!" when I ran into her. I had an old high friend tell me "You look great!" and - my mom and dad gave me a hug on my birthday and exclaimed "There's nothing left to hug!"

So, I can't been too upset the scale didn't move :)

Saturday thoughts :)

My legs are killing me today. Ouchie!!
We had our workout last night and we did some really hard stuff.

We did one legged squats, where you put one foot up over your knee and then squat. We did rope lunges, where you place your foot on the boxing ring rope and then lunge forward with the other leg. (1 legged lunges, essentially) We did a bazillion push ups, lots of crunches. I tried to get a little extra cardio in.

I *really* need to ditch my home scale, but I am finding it extremely difficult. I stepped on this morning and it is still showing me up 1 lb. It causes me to wrack my brain with "what should I do? More cardio? Rest day and lots of water? Eat more? Eat less??"

My boyfriend told me to STOP weighing myself, but it's not that easy. My trainer told me to stop, the gym owner told me to STOP. I went to all three of them with "what should I do, the scale says I'm up!?" and all of them say "Who cares?" If you are eating right, exercising, and following the plan, you will NOT get fat, you will NOT gain weight. It's a fluctuation, simple as that.

I know I always give that advice to other people, but I am admittedly scale obsessed. I thought about telling my boyfriend to hide the scale on me while I'm at work so I don't know where it is. When I went to call him, I felt anxious (no scale!?!) and chickened out. What the heck??

I was thinking about this on the way to work. I think it is a bizarre need to show others that I'm succeeding. I don't want to be up because then when my mom, friends, or teammates ask about my WI, I have to tell them. I feel like I have something to prove, but I don't know what and I don't know to who.

Yesterday in class, all of my classmates were talking about how inspiring it was to watch me climb a 3 story tall tree even though I'm desperately afraid of heights. The first time I did it, I was hyperventilating and crying by the time I got to the top. I am REALLY afraid of heights. The next day, I felt like I had to try it again, to do it without freaking out, just to show I could. I did - I climbed all the way to the top, and then even did the swinging bridge. My friends were all cheering at the bottom and taking pictures. People I barely know came and told me how proud they were of me. It was embarrassing... but I had to prove to myself and other people that I wasn't going to let something that scares me control me.

There was one point at about 7 meters high where I was completely frozen in fear, my fingers were freezing and purple, and my body would not move despite my mind. All I could say was "I'm stuck!! I can't do this, I'm stuck!" But then I would use the mantra that my previous Professor (and now dear friend) told me: "I choose to feel relaxed and calm"... I mantra'd my way through and managed to get my body climbing again. Later, my friend Jeff said "I honestly thought you were going to give up. If I was stuck on the side of the tree like that, and as afraid as you were, I would have given up."

I kind of feel like that is how it is with my weight loss. When I have everyone around me staring at me, waiting to see if I give up... I power through and keep going. If there was no audience it would probably be a different story. Who climbs a 3 story tree with no one around to watch?

Ugh.

Alright so I haven't written since Sunday. My week has been a bit scrambled, and unfortunately it is not looking good on the scale.
I missed my Monday bootcamp and Tuesday cardio to go camping. While I was camping I did my best for food choices, however veggie dogs did make a convenient lunch, and apparently my trainer doesn't think that was a good choice. I did get lots of exercise, I was BEYOND SORE from climbing some really tall trees (see pic above) and we did a few beach walks and a nice long kayak. Unfortunately, when I got home from the trip my parents wanted to take me out for dinner (it was my birthday). We went for my favourite - Thai food. I did manage to make better choices, I had a tofu stirfry that wasn't in a coconut milk sauce. I had one veggie spring roll and stuck to water. The following night, my actual birthday, we just had salad and baked tofu for dinner. It was light and fresh and yummy. I did go to the gym on my b-day, (Wednesday), and I did my "make up" session today. I made sure to get a little extra cardio too, however the scale is not being nice. I'm quite worried that I'm going to have a gain this Sunday. After that awesome loss, I really would like to at LEAST have a stay the same!!

I want this week to be over, gain or not, so I can get on with a better week. I want to be able to attend MY class time with my trainer and teammates, I want to pay closer attention to following the meal plan. It's just been an off week all around and I just hope it doesn't result in a gain!!

First Weigh In!!

Well, I am home from my WEEK ONE WEIGH IN!

I lost 8lbs!! EIGHT!!
That is even better than when I did the bootcamp last time, and I was heavier then!

I had a great week, I ate well, had awesome work outs, and overall I feel like I really earned that loss. I am ecstatic!! I'm also super excited because I am at my lowest weight EVER :)

Bootcamp start weight: 231 lbs
Current weight: 223 lbs
Bootcamp loss to date: 8 lbs
Total loss to date: 132 lbs

I wish I could share more, however it is 9:00pm and I am leaving for a camping trip at 7:00 am, and I'm barely packed and frantically trying to get it together! I will be back on Tuesday night with tales of hiking, kayaking, spelunking (??), and all kinds of neat beachy-woodsy activities. :)

YAHOO!!! :)

Well my life has been really busy. I'm juggling full time school, part time work, and this crazy commitment to exercise. On top of all that I need to function in my life - keep the house tidy, keep the fridge stocked, and spend some time with my boyfriend. I feel like it's going to be a very packed few months!! Thankfully after Thanksgiving my work hours are lowered a bit, which will give me a second day off per week.

Workouts have been good - Wednesday night we used the big exercise balls and did free weight workouts - french press, tricep press etc; as well we did a lot of ab work which I was really struggling with! I could hardly follow the routine, I ended up modifying it to my own ability.

Yesterday was a cardio only day, so I rode my bike to and from school. It's funny because I think about how my grandpa used to tell the stories of having to "walk up hill in the snow, in my pajamas, BOTH WAYS!" I always thought uphill both ways - that's impossible! Well, it's NOT impossible where I live! haha. I live on top of a hill which is on top of a hill. You can see my place from most of Nanaimo. The university is on top of a large steep hill as well. Soooo, technically to get to school or home I am going downhill for the first bit, and uphill the rest of the way. I was a sweaty mess by the time I got there!

The scale is looking good but I don't want to get my hopes up. It's my time of the month, plus I feel like I've been eating too much. My trainer keeps bugging me to eat more but I really am satisfied with the amount I've been eating. I haven't been counting points or calories, just eating what they say to eat when I'm hungry, and stopping when I'm satisfied. It has been good so far but I might just start tracking again to make sure I'm not eating too little or too much. I'd really hate for food to be the thing that determines my success, since it is the one thing that I'm really good at!!

Today was supposed to be really busy for me - I had to duck out of class early to head for work, and then go to the later time slot of my exercise class. So I leave class and head to work - just to find out when I get there that I read the e-mail wrong and I work NEXT Friday!! So I walk home, picking up some lunch on the way home (a container of vegetarian chili). When I got home I realized that I hadn't packed my house keys since I assumed I would be home in the evening when Joe would be there to let me in. (I was running late, couldn't find them, dismissed them as unimportant). Anyhoo - now here I am. Sitting in the grass in my backyard, eating chili with only crackers as a spoon, and blogging with a dying laptop battery. Joe should be home in about an hour and half. If there was an earlier exercise class I'd just head over there, since I'm already in my work out clothes and have nothing else to do, but unfortunately the next one isn't until 4:30 - the one I'm scheduled in.

Le Sigh. I suppose I could just enjoy the outdoors for a bit, or try to get ahead on some homework. Hopefully I don't have to pee anytime soon...

All is going well, I'm just really busy!
The scale shows me down 5 lbs!! We'll see if it sticks until Sunday.
I'll update more when I have time, perhaps tomorrow or on the weekend.

:)

Cardio only day

5 min walk/jog to gym
10 min elliptical
8 min row machine
5 min treadmill
5 min walk home
5 min stretching

B: Natures Path cereal with blueberries & almond milk
S: Apple and Ryvita with natural peanut butter
L: Vegan chili with crackers
S: Grapes and 1/2 cookie
D: Beans with brown rice and veggies

5L water :)

I am sore today! I also realized that I have not been pushing myself at the gym these past few months, so although my times look short it's because I was actually kicking my own butt on the machines. Hehehe

Edited to add:

Oh! I forgot to mention the neatest game on the row machines at the gym!! They have this setting for "Fish Game", and you're this little automated fish that has to move up and down, trying to eat smaller fish and avoid bigger fish. You automatically float to the bottom until you use the rower machine to pull and that gives you a burst in the upwards direction. So to move quickly away, you have to row quickly!! Each round is 4 minutes, and at the end it tells you how many metres you rowed, as well as your average speed, and points earned for fish. It was SO FUN!! I could see myself getting addicted to that machine. I wish all workout machines had games like that!!

Day One. Ouchie.

Cardio warm up: 5 minute walk to gym, plus 15 minutes of walking/jogging combo on the treadmill. Incline 2, alternating speeds 3.5 & 4.5

Today we started with the following:

squats with vertical pole (30 slow reps, 30 fast reps)

stiff leg deadlift with bent over row (60 reps)

barbell curls with shoulder press (30 reps)

vertical bar french press with squats (20 reps)

push ups (60)

lunges, crunches (in various capacities: basic, alternating holding one leg up, legs moving in and out, both knees up, etc) (140 - 2 sets of 10 reps each position)

lunges with knee raises (60)

superman drill (120)

We went through that sequence twice!

Then we stretched for a few minutes.

Now I'm sore :(

My food today:

B: Nature's Path cereal, blueberries & almond milk

S: Apple, almonds

L: Tortilla with Gardien mock chicken breast, lettuce, tomato & mustard

S: Pear, 1/2 cookie

D: Vegan chili with small slice whole grain focaccia

I also drank 5L of water.

My trainer is dumb. I know more about proper form than he does. He kept telling us to "straighten our legs" when locking your knees is NOT GOOD! I would keep the slightest bend and he'd come by and say "straighten your legs!"

HELLOooo... You are not supposed to lift weights with locked knees!! Clearly all those years as a Chippendales dancer were NOT used to pay his way through university...

Also, he calls for reps toooooo fast! He says "updown updown updown" when there should be a slow up and down movement, like "up two three, down two three" because just moving the barbells up and down that fast is mostly working on momentum, and not actually engaging the muscles. Luckily, I know my way around a gym and I've done lots of training before, but the other people in the group (who are paying a LOT of money!) are not being given the best information possible. I ran these perceived mistakes by my boyfriend (who is also a personal trainer!) and he agreed with me that I was right. He thinks I should mention it to the manager if I'm not comfortable mentioning it to the trainer. Someone could get hurt!

Ugh. I did get a great workout though, and the people on my team seem really nice :)

I think I'll take a hot bath to relax my muscles a bit, and then go cuddle on the couch with my wonderful, lovely, perfect-for-me boyfriend :) <3

Orientation Day

So today was a little bit anti-climactic, which I suppose is a good thing. We spent the first hour going over things I already know - how to turn on an elliptical, how to properly get on and off the treadmill, emphasis on food being a key component of weight loss. Blah blah blah.

GET THIS. My new trainer?

He's an ex Chippendales dancer....

ha ha ha!!

Yes, he's a pretty boy, EXTREMELY muscular (likely could crush my head with a bicep curl) and I'm sure he's never been fat for a day in his life. I find it a bit harder to relate to trainers who have never had to lose weight before.

That aside, we had a great workout today and I'm really looking forward to getting going on this. We did crunches, squats, lunges, push ups, jumping jacks, (I'll have you know I just wrote "humping jacks" tee hee) step ups onto really tall platforms, oh, and ran up and down a flight of stairs 6 times. My trainer had these ropes that we took turns placing around our waist, and then tried to lunge our way across the gym like we were towing a car or something. He used all his might for resistance, which made for a good exercise!

We then did some squats with medicine balls and some stretching. It was just a bit of an intro day, immersing the newbies into the program. I worked up a good sweat and my trainer did push me a little extra like I was hoping (hovering over me during crunches, shouting at me hehe)

I am now home, showered, in my PJs, and looking forward to a bit of relaxation before bed :)

Bring on tomorrow!!

I'M SCARED!

My heart just fluttered a bit when I looked at the time... less than one hour to go!

I am scared...

EEP!!

Progress Pic #1 - BEFORE

Here is my suitable-for-blog photo (ie. NOT me in short shorts and a sports bra)

It is my before pic, taken yesterday, at 230 lbs.

I won't miss that lumpy bottom, protruding gut, and chubby arms!! :)

Welcome to the hardest workouts you'll ever have

It's approaching rapidly and I'm ready for it!! I have a cocktail party tonight - drinks and appys with friends - and then IT'S ON!!

Here is the welcome e-mail I received last night. I have X'd out the names & telephone numbers for privacy.

-----

It's Finally here and we are all ready for you!

YOUR TEAM CLASS TIME IS 5:30 AM, (ugh) so you should be here between 5:00 and 5:10 am (double ugh) to do your cardio warm up before the class starts.

This may not be the exact time that you wanted but hopefully it's close. If you can try to make this time work, it is a logistical nightmare to do the scheduling of all 6 teams and the least amount of changes that I have to make would be very much appreciated.

YOUR TRAINER IS [NAME] and her email is [e-mail] and her cell phone # is [phone #] please make sure you contact her if you can"t make your class.

The Mandatory classes are Monday, Wednesday, Fridays and Sundays. You will be assigned a Cardio Buddy for Tuesday and Thursday, hopefully this new support person works out to help you stay on track if not let your trainer know and a new arrangement will be made for you.

If you will be away, make sure your trainer knows to put together a plan for while you are away.

I have attached your teammates email addresses in the "To:" line for your contact between yourselves.

THE SEPTEMBER BIGGEST LOSER CLASS TIMES AND TRAINERS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

5:30 AM [TRAINER NAME]

6:30 AM [TRAINER NAME]

9:00 AM [TRAINER NAME]

4:30 PM [TRAINER NAME]

5:30 PM [TRAINER NAME]

You may substitute your class for any of the following times as long as you inform your trainer and please try to stay in your time and team for the 12 weeks but please use these other times so not to miss a class when your schedule does require changing.

The START DATE IS THIS SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 12TH, in case you didn't know!!!!

YOU CAN ATTEND ORIENTATION AND YOUR FIRST SESSION WITH YOUR TRAINER EITHER AT 10 AM till 12 NOON or 5 PM to 7 PM. Normally you attend either session on Sundays, but for this 1st one please reply back with which one you will be attending on the 11th so I can let your trainer know and be ready for you.

The First hour on Sunday, you will be orientated with Team, and Trainer, the Biggest Loser Handbook, you will receive your BL Shirt and be orientated on the level one Cardio options that start each workout here. Then as a group we will all be participating in the first workout. Please be ready to workout, sweats or comfy pants, and runners etc. We will be outside for these Sunday workouts so if you want to bring your "outdoor" shoes, feel free.

I have attached the first week of food and the shopping list for you to get prepared before Sunday to start the eating plan Monday September 13th

THE dreaded "Before" Photos, will be take an hour before and during and an hour after each session time and take 2-3 minutes. Please bring or wear your before outfit and try to wear the same clothing again in 12 weeks. Ladies please sports bra and shorts showing mid-section and upper thighs (Oh Good Lord, are you kidding me?) and guys shorts and no shirt will give you the best result for visual gratification as to how far you have come and how all your hard work paid off. The photographer will take good and private care of your photo's and will be back in 12 weeks to do them again. (WHAT! I have to wear short shorts and a sports bra for a PHOTOGRAPHER? Yikes!) Again, we do not use them, see them, put them on our website or photo albums they are for you and you only. They are not done in front of anyone else, and we really encourage you to step outside that comfort zone and do it as they will blow you away to show how much you changed. (Okay that doesn't sound SO bad. It will be uncomfortable though.)

Please reply to my email or I will call you to confirm. I want to make sure you are #1, ok with your session time for mon/wed and fri and which session time you will be attending on Sunday!

If you would like to bring a friend or spouse to Sunday, please feel free, we will try to rope them into the first workout though, so maybe give them a warning!!! (Oh yes, I am going to try to drag my boyfriend!! It'll give him a taste of what I'm in for these next 12 weeks!)

Thank you from all of us for being part of the coolest fitness program Nanaimo has to offer! We are looking forward to the transformations ahead of us and riding along this journey with you is going to be amazing!

I have met and spoke with each and every one of you and you are such an amazing group, I know the success will be off the charts. Please feel free to contact me throughout the program anytime for any reason to make your program better for you. I have the time to reply to an emails, questions and concerns you may have.

Welcome to the Biggest Loser SEPTEMBER 2010 and Fitness Edge!

-----

So, that's it I guess!! I've bought my new running shoes, a big container of vegan protein powder, I'm stocking up on healthy groceries this weekend. I have a little party tonight and that's the last I'll see of my dear friend alcohol for twelve weeks, and my even more dear friend, sleep.

I have actually put in a request to switch to the 4:30 pm group, simply because being at the gym at 5:00 am sounds HORRIFYING, I really don't know how healthy that would be for me. I suck at going to bed on time and I know sleep is very important for weight loss, stress management, and to keep me fresh for all my classes (as student AND teacher!) We'll see I guess!

I will not eat the Chai Oreo Ice-cream cake in the freezer.

I will not eat the Chai Oreo Ice-cream cake in the freezer.

I get these fabulous ideas for delicious food, like I dunno... CHAI and OREO together in a soy ice cream cake... and then I'm required to have will power and restraint against that which I myself created???

Edited to add: I did manage to resist, only based on the fact that it is 9:30 at night and a sugar high would not exactly help me fall asleep :)

September Bootcamp - Starting Stats!!

I start the fitness bootcamp on Sunday night. I enrolled today. It was simple, I just had to fork over more than two months rent, my soul, my first born child, and an arm. They said taxes have recently gone up (dang HST), so technically I owed them a leg, too.

So here it is. The big weigh and measure. I expected to not be as fit as I was when I left bootcamp last time, but it turned out not to be so bad. 1 year of intermittent, half hearted exercise has not reduced me to a gelatinous blob. I actually weigh 10 lbs lighter and am12.5 inches smaller. Go Me!

Here are the digits:

Weight: 230lbs

Pec - 23

Subscapular - 39

Bicep - 14

Tricep - 26

Kidney - 50

Suprailiac - 26

Abdominal - 35

Quadracep - 52

Medial Calf - 23

** calipers are sort of wacky for me, because I've lost so much weight and have excess skin. They may not be entirely accurate, however measuring them will still show progress. It's kinda like a scale that isn't calibrated to start, but will still show a downward trend.

Chest - 40"

Waist - 40"

Hips - 48.5"

Arms - 14.5"

Legs - 29.5"

Calves - 17.5"

Lean Mass: 152.2 lbs

Fat on my body: 77.8 lbs

GOAL:

Lean Mass + 20-30lbs fat (optimal health) = 172.2 - 182.2 lbs

That means me losing 47.8 to 57.8 lbs...

Sounds about right to me!! I would be very happy at 182 lbs. Ultimately my personal goal is 177.5, which may seem like a trivial number, however it is exactly half my start weight. It also falls into the right weight range for optimal health, according to MY BODY. My lean mass, my personal fat percentage. :)

Zzzz

It's a grey and rainy holiday Monday. It was hard to drag myself out of bed this morning. I imagine there will be much internet surfing to be had at work today, as there are not many visitors roaming the grey rainy streets with all the shops closed.

Yesterday I was feeling uber-productive. I cleaned the entire house - and not just a light tidy. I pulled out furniture and swept all the forgotten crevices where the sun don't shine... I cleaned out drawers and closets, scrubbed the bathroom and washed the floors. All the laundry is done and there is not a thing out of place! I love it :)

Speaking of cleaning out drawers and closets - I did an overhaul on my wardrobe. I tried on every single item I own - pants, skirts, t-shirts, dresses, sweaters. If it was even remotely too big I chucked it into a donation box. I only kept things that either fit perfectly now, or were too small and will fit soon.

I discovered a pair of jeans in my drawer that used to be too tight...

I put them on and they look fabulous!

My boyfriend was ogling me, it was hilarious... I didn't realize the jeans I'd been wearing were too big and frumpy until I put on ones that actually FIT. Wearing clothes that fit properly really make a difference to your figure. Wearing those jeans made me look 10lbs lighter!!

Anyways, it was a great discovery. I have two more too-small jeans in the drawer just waiting to be worn. I figure they'll fit at the end of my bootcamp :)

full...

Ugh, I am so super full right now. In fact, I sort of feel like this fish:

My boyfriend made two loaves of fresh whole wheat focaccia bread, so we had veggie paninis for lunch. It seems that deciding to do this bootcamp has given me an excuse to stop counting points and just eat until I'm full. Bad idea!! I wanted a little scoop of ice-cream and maybe to share a bottle of wine with Joe, simply because it will be 12 weeks before I'm able to do those things again - however I've taken it a bit far by abandoning points altogether. I haven't gone crazy or anything, I've still been eating healthful - as I always do - however I've taken a bigger helping here and an extra bite there - and now I feel like the fish in this comic!! hehe

Anyways, I've got a big glass of water and I'm going make something light, fresh and healthy for dinner - probably just salad. I'll be counting points again tomorrow. Perhaps I can get some APs in tonight or tomorrow as well. It's amazing to me that I really do NOT like the feeling of being full, where before, at my highest weight - that is what I would strive for.

I also love that I can curb myself really fast now. I have one not-even-that-bad day and it's right back on track... simply because I really don't like the feeling of being out of control, or eating too much, or eating poorly. It makes me feel yucky.

I work a lot for the next few days and then it back to school. Bootcamp starts in T-9 days!! Sunday September 12th will be our first outdoor workout. I will post a frumpy, flabby, unflattering "before" pic for all of you to enjoy :)