Monday, December 20, 2010

Well this is mighty embarrassing.

Who am I kidding? Seriously.

The look on his face this evening was a major reality check. It's amazing how an expression can speak volumes. Volumes that say "That dress does NOT fit"

He didn't even HAVE to say anything. I could see he was surprised, speechless even. And no, it wasn't because I looked amazing. It was more like a deer caught in the headlights, really. I saved him the horror of having to tell me I looked like an overstuffed sausage by turning around and walking out of the room... taking off the pressure to either patronize me or be truthful.

This sucks.

Tonight was a big wake up call, and something I think I needed.
Reality check: You are still fat.
Reality check: You are NOT a size medium. Period.

I think I got a little carried away with feeling great. Compliments have been pouring in, I've been feeling better than ever in my own body. I was actually starting to feel happy with my body and myself. THEN it appears I got delusional for a moment.

At 206ish lbs, one does not fit a size medium. With a gut like mine, one does not wear a tight black dress. It is unflattering and silly. What was I thinking? Who allowed me to go shopping ALONE? Better yet, how did I actually think that looked GOOD??

I am getting up in the morning and I am going to the gym. I am then promptly returning to The Bay for a refund on my many-sizes-too-small dress. I considered keeping it, as a goal type thing; but I don't know that it will ever look good on me so why waste good money. I will always have a gut, even at goal... that is an unfortunate bi-product of significant weight loss. Oh well.

I feel embarrassed that not only did I rave about this dress to my boyfriend, and then put it on to be met with speechlessness, but that I raved about it to on my favourite message board and got so many wonderful replies. Please excuse my temporary insanity...

~ PJ

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