Sunday, August 29, 2010

feeling emotional

For some reason this whole bootcamp thing has been making me really emotional. I even dreamed about it last night. I feel so sick and tired of being fat. I've been on this journey for four years and I'm just SO ready to be at goal. Ready NOW.

I am willing to put in the effort it takes, the sweat and dedication, but I need to be seeing results. As of now I am exercising daily and eating well, but yielding painstakingly slow results ( less than .5 lbs/week! ). I look and feel better than ever - which has given me a taste for more. I just want it so bad!!

I keep wracking my brain trying to decide if I can come up with the money. Technically I *can* do it, but it's more a question of *should* I. Would it be irresponsible to spend that kind of money? I can't believe how expensive it is. BUT I'm trying to look at it as an investment that may not return in dollar signs, but in a healthful and long life.

I was laying on the couch tonight thinking about how badly I want this and I started to get choked up. It's basically like someone saying "Give me $820 and I'll get you to goal in twelve weeks." I have to bust my ass at the gym and eat a very healthful diet - so yes I have to do the work - but having that structured program to whip me in to shape has always been where I thrive.

I have a little voice telling me I can do it on my own, but it will take longer. Probably another year or more, with effort. I feel like a little kid having a temper tantrum, saying "No, NOW!! I want it NOWWWWWW"


I'm going to see if the gym owner will give me a discount as a returning participant, and see if my family may contribute. My boyfriend is very supportive of whatever I choose, so ultimately it's my own decision.

Heavier sigh.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Biggest Loser - Round Two??

I *REALLY* want to do The Biggest Loser bootcamp again.

But it is SO MUCH money!

I've been researching, and all the bootcamps around here average between 160 and 200 dollars a month. They are crazy expensive, but after experiencing the bootcamp last summer I know it's worth it.

The one in particular I want to do - Biggest Loser (the one I started this blog for last summer) - is $820 for THREE MONTHS. That's a lot of money!! It was only $450 last year so obviously they've discovered that people will pay big bucks to lose so much weight.

However, I know it works. I did it last year and lost 43 lbs in 12 weeks. I wasn't even giving it my all - go back and read my posts! Occasionally I would skip days, drink on weekends, and not always follow the plan. I did also have great days, however I was in a dark place after leaving my husband. I still managed to loose that much in that short of a time. I really feel like if I were to do it again - now that I'm so much HAPPIER and STRONGER, and now that I know what I'd be committing to - I really feel like it would get me to my goal weight - or really close.

I feel so ready to be at goal. It's been over 4 years since I started this journey.

Trouble is coming up with that kind of money...

I was thinking about asking my family to contribute, they are usually quite supportive in my weight loss endeavors. It is my birthday in a few weeks so I may ask for that in lieu of gifts. I don't know...

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I posted this on so this might be a repeat for anyone who reads both boards.

I went shopping in Vancouver yesterday with my sister and mom. It was fun! EVERY single thing I tried on FIT, in every store! It felt so good to shop in non-plus size stores, to shop where my sister was shopping, and to really like everything I tried.

I am so confused about sizing these days. Either that or I'm confused about my body, haha. Yesterday I bought a hoodie from Lululemon that was size 12. I was amazed that anything from that store fit me, let alone be a TWELVE. I brushed it off as big sizing. Then, I went to Lotus Wear. I bought a pair of yoga pants... in a 12! Haha. Two twelves in one day. The 14 was too big! I still chalk it up to big sizing, because in Additionelle or Penningtons I'm an 16-18 top/18-20 bottom.

The clothes from Old Navy were all either L or XL (instead of the XXL or XXXL they offer). It was great! :)

All in all it was a very successful shopping trip. And now that I have two size twelves in my wardrobe, I can pretend that I'm a size 12. :P

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

good day, not so good day

Yesterday: (GOOD DAY)

Woke up, jogged to the gym, worked out for an hour, walked home. Then, I walked to and from work (to work, home for lunch, to work, back home). I ate well, then in the evening I biked over to a friends house and back. It was a really great day!!

Woke up, walked to work. Ate thai food for lunch. Walked home. We are having vegan pizza for dinner, and plans to drink some cider and have a stay-in night. I'm okay with all this but feeling a little guilty about the thai lunch AND pizza AND cider in one day - with little exercise.

Tomorrow is my first WI for my Long Term Challenge (30lbs by Dec 31)

HOWEVER - That said - tomorrow I am going to Vancouver with my mom and sister for a girls day, so we will be WALKING ALL DAY and shopping. I imagine I'll be walking for 8-10 hours. Okay. I feel better now. Sort of... :P

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Scale addiction

I have been weighing myself every day. Sometimes twice. I know this is a bad habit to have, but I still do it. The number doesn't effect my mood or my behaviour, but perhaps that is because it has been creeping down or staying the same. If I had a giant gain it might be a different story.

I would hide the scales but my boyfriend is a daily weigher, too. Maybe we can talk about hiding them and weighing in together once per week. I'll report back what the decision is...


New goals set :)

I have always known that I do much better when I set goals for myself, yet somehow I tend to ignore that. I recently cracked a milestone - with barely any effort - and it has re-inspired me to set some proper goals.

So here it goes!

I will go to the gym 3x per week, bike twice, and walk daily.
I will track my diet using and
I will drink 3L+ of water, daily.

My next weight goal has been set for December 31, 2010.

Current weight: 229.8
Target weight: 199.8
Total 30 lbs in just under 19 weeks

It CAN be done, but I will have to bust my arse!! I will be tracking, exercising, and weighing in. I have made a progress chart to make sure I'm on track to kicking these 30 lbs.

I know it will be a very meaningful day for me to see 199 lbs; I would LOVE to see that on the scale!