A trip down memory lane

I have been called fat my whole life. It's something that happened somewhat often growing up. I can think of a few times that really stung and stuck with me, though. I thought I would share a few memories that helped catalyst me into changing my life.

1) When I was at my heaviest weight I was at a family BBQ. My aunt and uncle had recently adopted a young boy, and we were just getting to know him and welcome him to the family. In good ol' BBQ style, I loaded up my plate with food and went to find a seat on the deck. As I started to squeeze myself into a patio chair, he yelled (in front of about 30 people):

"WOAH! Are you going to FIT in that chair!!??"

It went SILENT and everyone stared at me (or looked away, out of awkwardness). It was AWFUL. I've never been more humiliated in my LIFE!! I ended up excusing myself and going and crying in my grandmother's bedroom. UGH.

2) I was about 20 years old and I had gotten all dressed up to go out to the bar with my friends. Yes, I was very heavy, but I thought I looked good, I felt good, and I was ready for a night out.

I was on a full bus headed downtown when this old man started talking to across the aisle at me.

He shouted "Hey, are you headed to The Carlton?"

I looked around, and yes, he was talking to me. "Uh, No... I'm going to Evolution."

Then, shouting over all the other passengers, he says "Oh! I would've thought you were going to The Carlton! All the fat chicks hang out at The Carlton!"

I was so F-ING embarrassed. What a jerk. What is wrong with people?? UGH.

3) One day my friends and I decided to skip work and go to Playland in Vancouver. It was a spontaneous and fun adventure! We each called in sick to work while driving down the highway and heading for the Ferry. When we got to Vancouver, we all purchased day passes and headed for the rides.

The first ride I went on, the seatbelt wouldn't fit, so I had to get off. The second ride I tried, the air-locking overhead harness couldn't close over my body. I was too big. I had to get off. I walked up to a few more rides and saw weight restrictions on their signs.

I felt embarrassed and sad. My friends all paid for very expensive day passes and we had traveled far to get there. So I assured them I was OKAY and to PLEASE continue having fun!! I would meet them later.

I went to the customer service counter at the park and cried... I was so embarrassed to have to ask for a refund on my ticket because I was too fat to go on any of the rides. They did give me my money back, and I spent the rest of the day wandering around the non-ride side of the park waiting for my friends to finish their fun.

UGH.

Back in the swing of it

We have been doing th P90X for a few days. It's intense!!
It feels really good to be back on a regular exercise routine. I've been tracking my food every day and being overall very conscious!

I have been given a new practicum placement, with a new class/teacher/school. I'm very excited and I cannot WAIT to meet them! I went digging in my closet to find some clothes to wear and all of my size 18 dress pants are baggy in the butt. :( I went shopping at 3 different stores last night to find a pair of dress pants that would be suitable (and not too expensive.)

It seems I am in between sizes, and that sucks!! 18s are too big. They are saggy in the butt. 16s are just a bit too snug in the tummy, though. It's very frustrating! If there was a size 17 - I'd be it.

I tried on a zillion pairs of pants and I ended up buy one that is just a smidge too tight. I will continue wearing my saggy butt pants for another 5-10 lbs, and then try on the tight ones again. I'm hoping it will not be long before they fit properly!

Progress Pic - over 150 lbs down

So I thought I'd post some pictures... just for fun.

We have allllll seen the before pictures, this is nothing new.
Me in August of 2007:

These were taken last week at a event I attended:

Dang, I gained.

These past few weeks have been tough for me, as I have been REALLY busy.

I hosted my first animal rights event, a fundraiser to send 3 local activists (friends of mine) to Japan to act as Sea Shepherd Cove guardians. The event went REALLY well and we raised over $1500! There was also a vegan bake sale and I ended up with a lot of the leftovers... eek :/

I also had dinner at a friends house, my boyfriend's birthday dinner, his mom's birthday dinner, and some other things that made for quick-meals or restaurant eating. I feel like it's time to really reign it in, not just for the calories/weight aspect, but for my budget!! haha

Last night I did overeat a bit. My boyfriend went out to a friends house and I watched a girly movie and ate enough popcorn for two. haha. I also had a couple of cookies - but I managed to stay away from the wine!! I really wanted some, and in hindsight one glass of wine would have been better than the two cookies I ate trying to ignore the wine. haha

I stepped on the scale this morning and it showed me up to 206, which is a gain of 2.6 lbs. I was hoping to have at least stayed the same over these past few weeks, but realistically I ate out A LOT and the only exercise I got was walking places.... so I am going to own that and take the gain. My official WI isn't until tomorrow so I'm trying to repent with water and fruit. haha

I think we start the P90X on Monday. I'll have to talk to the bf about it and see. I think either Sunday or Monday start, that way our rest day will be either Saturday or Sunday.

I will take before pictures and measurements, and after pictures and measurements. Let's see if this at home working out thing works. If it doesn't seem to be happening then I guess I will suck it up and start going to the crappy university gym.

Gym goes under!!

So on Sunday, Joe & I went down to the gym to work out, to find the gates locked and everything closed up. We thought that was really weird but figured maybe and employee didn't show up for the opening shift or something. We didn't think too much of it, jogged around the waterfront and headed home.

The next day while I was at school Joe went down to the gym again. He texted me saying that it appears they have gone under!! There were big signs on the windows saying 'failure to pay rent' and that the locks had been changed. The parking lot was fully gated off.

I checked my bank account and my fees had come out THAT DAY, of - freaking - course.

So now I have to cancel all my checks. I called the bank and they can't claw back the money that has already been taken (ugh, oh well... they need it more than I do it seems)

I'm just glad they only got $34 of my dollars. I have a friend that is now out over $300 because she paid for a year up front, and those POOR PEOPLE who put out over $800 on the most recent Biggest Loser program!!! Oh my goodness!! I'm so glad I did the bootcamp and in September, and then opted out for the January program. I *almost* considered rejoining but I couldn't afford to do it twice in a row. PHEW!!

At this time we don't have a vehicle and this gym is suuuuuper close, (3-4 minute jog) from our house. The next closest gym is one that is on an awkward bus route and I don't know that I love the idea of bussing to and from the gym. (It would cancel out any spontaneous workouts, I feel. Also I wouldn't want to ride home sweaty and I hate showering at the gym).

Today Joe & I went down to the mall and bought a second yoga mat, balance ball, some more resistance bands, and a couple of weights. Thank GOODNESS he is a personal trainer and will keep our butts on track until we figure out a new gym plan. For now, we're going back to the idea of starting the P90X like we had talked about last month.

I'm frustrated and disappointed. I really liked this gym... the owner was great, the trainers were nice, the location was PERFECT!

Boo urns :(

All alone this summer :(

So it has been decided, and I don't like it!! haha

My boyfriend, who I live with, and who I have never been apart from for more than a few nights, and who I love with every fiber of my BEING... will be going away for THREE MONTHS!!

Who will cook for me, clean for me, and kick my arse to the gym??? haha.. just kidding. Kindof.

I am feeling like I'm going to miss him terribly, but it's for a good cause - getting an apprenticeship in sustainable farming... to come back here and hopefully be able to make some good $$. With me graduating in June and him getting this training, we will finally be set to pay off debt/buy a house/have kids... you know, all those things grown ups do :)

I know with technology it will be okay, Skype is a great tool to have... we'll have our phones and computers and whatnot.

Instead of being apprehensive about boredom eating and falling lazy, I'm trying to see it as 3 months to get my self in super-hot shape, so that when he returns he doesn't even recognize me!!

Blargh. I miss him already!!

Keeping on Track

I have been tracking diligently since New Years Day. I have been really doing well!
I was back up to 208.8 on New Years Day (all the Christmas happenings I am guessing), but as of this morning I am back down.

I'm now at 203.4... that's COMFORTABLY close to 200 lbs! hehe

Unfortunately I am going out for dinner not one, not two, but THREE times this week. Twice will be in restaurants and once will be at a friends house. I will have to make the best choices I can!

It is Joe's birthday tomorrow so I'm making vegan Reese Peanut Butter Cups for him in lieu of a cake. Thankfully, I am in charge of how much sugar goes in them, and I can make them into manageable sizes so they aren't KILLER on calories :)

I recently discovered the worlds most HEAVENLY ice-cream. It's Coconut Bliss Chocolate Hazelnut Fudge. It's a whopping 240 calories per HALF CUP!! But sooooooooo delicious *drool*

Joe and I have been taking about starting the couch to 5K. (Again, I swear I try it once a year haha) one day it will stick!! I think we decided to pass on the p90x because of the time commitment required. I will keep the videos on my laptop for if I get snowed in and need an at-home workout :)

I also rediscovered the amazingness that is... skipping!! My mp3 player froze at the gym and I despise doing cardio without good music. I went over to work on some weight/calisthenics when I saw it there in the corner... calling my name... a skipping rope!

I skipped for 10 minutes and it KICKED. MY. ASS.

I forgot how awesome it is! It works your abs and is amazing cardio at the same time. My heartrate was WAYYYY up, and I was sweating instantly. I need to get myself a skipping rope for at home... 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there... that would be awesome!

Here's to a lazy day of homework and laundry... I need it :)