feeling emotional

For some reason this whole bootcamp thing has been making me really emotional. I even dreamed about it last night. I feel so sick and tired of being fat. I've been on this journey for four years and I'm just SO ready to be at goal. Ready NOW.

I am willing to put in the effort it takes, the sweat and dedication, but I need to be seeing results. As of now I am exercising daily and eating well, but yielding painstakingly slow results ( less than .5 lbs/week! ). I look and feel better than ever - which has given me a taste for more. I just want it so bad!!

I keep wracking my brain trying to decide if I can come up with the money. Technically I *can* do it, but it's more a question of *should* I. Would it be irresponsible to spend that kind of money? I can't believe how expensive it is. BUT I'm trying to look at it as an investment that may not return in dollar signs, but in a healthful and long life.

I was laying on the couch tonight thinking about how badly I want this and I started to get choked up. It's basically like someone saying "Give me $820 and I'll get you to goal in twelve weeks." I have to bust my ass at the gym and eat a very healthful diet - so yes I have to do the work - but having that structured program to whip me in to shape has always been where I thrive.

I have a little voice telling me I can do it on my own, but it will take longer. Probably another year or more, with effort. I feel like a little kid having a temper tantrum, saying "No, NOW!! I want it NOWWWWWW"

Sigh.

I'm going to see if the gym owner will give me a discount as a returning participant, and see if my family may contribute. My boyfriend is very supportive of whatever I choose, so ultimately it's my own decision.

Heavier sigh.