A trip down memory lane

I have been called fat my whole life. It's something that happened somewhat often growing up. I can think of a few times that really stung and stuck with me, though. I thought I would share a few memories that helped catalyst me into changing my life.

1) When I was at my heaviest weight I was at a family BBQ. My aunt and uncle had recently adopted a young boy, and we were just getting to know him and welcome him to the family. In good ol' BBQ style, I loaded up my plate with food and went to find a seat on the deck. As I started to squeeze myself into a patio chair, he yelled (in front of about 30 people):

"WOAH! Are you going to FIT in that chair!!??"

It went SILENT and everyone stared at me (or looked away, out of awkwardness). It was AWFUL. I've never been more humiliated in my LIFE!! I ended up excusing myself and going and crying in my grandmother's bedroom. UGH.

2) I was about 20 years old and I had gotten all dressed up to go out to the bar with my friends. Yes, I was very heavy, but I thought I looked good, I felt good, and I was ready for a night out.

I was on a full bus headed downtown when this old man started talking to across the aisle at me.

He shouted "Hey, are you headed to The Carlton?"

I looked around, and yes, he was talking to me. "Uh, No... I'm going to Evolution."

Then, shouting over all the other passengers, he says "Oh! I would've thought you were going to The Carlton! All the fat chicks hang out at The Carlton!"

I was so F-ING embarrassed. What a jerk. What is wrong with people?? UGH.

3) One day my friends and I decided to skip work and go to Playland in Vancouver. It was a spontaneous and fun adventure! We each called in sick to work while driving down the highway and heading for the Ferry. When we got to Vancouver, we all purchased day passes and headed for the rides.

The first ride I went on, the seatbelt wouldn't fit, so I had to get off. The second ride I tried, the air-locking overhead harness couldn't close over my body. I was too big. I had to get off. I walked up to a few more rides and saw weight restrictions on their signs.

I felt embarrassed and sad. My friends all paid for very expensive day passes and we had traveled far to get there. So I assured them I was OKAY and to PLEASE continue having fun!! I would meet them later.

I went to the customer service counter at the park and cried... I was so embarrassed to have to ask for a refund on my ticket because I was too fat to go on any of the rides. They did give me my money back, and I spent the rest of the day wandering around the non-ride side of the park waiting for my friends to finish their fun.

UGH.

Back in the swing of it

We have been doing th P90X for a few days. It's intense!!
It feels really good to be back on a regular exercise routine. I've been tracking my food every day and being overall very conscious!

I have been given a new practicum placement, with a new class/teacher/school. I'm very excited and I cannot WAIT to meet them! I went digging in my closet to find some clothes to wear and all of my size 18 dress pants are baggy in the butt. :( I went shopping at 3 different stores last night to find a pair of dress pants that would be suitable (and not too expensive.)

It seems I am in between sizes, and that sucks!! 18s are too big. They are saggy in the butt. 16s are just a bit too snug in the tummy, though. It's very frustrating! If there was a size 17 - I'd be it.

I tried on a zillion pairs of pants and I ended up buy one that is just a smidge too tight. I will continue wearing my saggy butt pants for another 5-10 lbs, and then try on the tight ones again. I'm hoping it will not be long before they fit properly!

Progress Pic - over 150 lbs down

So I thought I'd post some pictures... just for fun.

We have allllll seen the before pictures, this is nothing new.
Me in August of 2007:

These were taken last week at a event I attended:

Dang, I gained.

These past few weeks have been tough for me, as I have been REALLY busy.

I hosted my first animal rights event, a fundraiser to send 3 local activists (friends of mine) to Japan to act as Sea Shepherd Cove guardians. The event went REALLY well and we raised over $1500! There was also a vegan bake sale and I ended up with a lot of the leftovers... eek :/

I also had dinner at a friends house, my boyfriend's birthday dinner, his mom's birthday dinner, and some other things that made for quick-meals or restaurant eating. I feel like it's time to really reign it in, not just for the calories/weight aspect, but for my budget!! haha

Last night I did overeat a bit. My boyfriend went out to a friends house and I watched a girly movie and ate enough popcorn for two. haha. I also had a couple of cookies - but I managed to stay away from the wine!! I really wanted some, and in hindsight one glass of wine would have been better than the two cookies I ate trying to ignore the wine. haha

I stepped on the scale this morning and it showed me up to 206, which is a gain of 2.6 lbs. I was hoping to have at least stayed the same over these past few weeks, but realistically I ate out A LOT and the only exercise I got was walking places.... so I am going to own that and take the gain. My official WI isn't until tomorrow so I'm trying to repent with water and fruit. haha

I think we start the P90X on Monday. I'll have to talk to the bf about it and see. I think either Sunday or Monday start, that way our rest day will be either Saturday or Sunday.

I will take before pictures and measurements, and after pictures and measurements. Let's see if this at home working out thing works. If it doesn't seem to be happening then I guess I will suck it up and start going to the crappy university gym.